DYNAMIC DUO?  OR…DOUBLE TROUBLE??

Don’t laugh!  About the ‘Double Trouble’, I mean.  These two sisters are so full of life and mischeif-they’re addictive.  You have to believe me when I tell you they are dynomite gals!  Kris and Kelly Montee have to be the most lively female team writing knock-out-can’t-put-down books around.  Mega-nominated for their great Louis Kincaid series-they are never still, always on the move, deeply involved in the mystery community-and always ready to help a newbie (and many not-so-newbies) to understand the mysterious, sometimes confusing-and often frustating lay of the land.  And what’s so great-is that it’s all offered with much generosity and sincerity.  Next time you see these two at a con – mosey over and say hello.  But be warned!  If you’re not into laughing and having a helluva time and tons of laughs – don’t bother.  And if you’re really into some chuckles – be sure to stop by their blog – CABBAGES & KINGS – http://www.pjparrish.blogspot.com  This is a genuine crack up!

Their new book – AN UNQUIET GRAVE – out now – is superb.  I know..I know…you’re thinking I say that about every guest’s book. Well, that’s true.  I’ve told you a zillion times – Evil E invite’s only the best – and not just the best writers – but the best people.  The real people.  No Grand Diva’s here -no swelled heads, phonies or new self-made icons.  Just fine writers and the same kind of great folks you’d love to know – and who I am pleased and proud and flattered and all that stuff – to know myself.  So before we all get soppy here, be sure to run over to http://www.p.j.parrish  after this ground-breaking interview – and check out their great website and discover for yourself just how much detailed research goes into each and every book in the Louis Kincaid series.  But not yet!  Wait until after you see what these two have to say!

So come on and have a few laughs with the P.J. Parrish Ladies!

EE:  Some awful wag – and we all know who she is – told me that there are actually FOUR Montee sisters writing the Louis Kincaid series – and they’re the youngest and they’re not allowed out of the attic until they’ve edited each and every page you two write.

PP:  All right, confession time.  We actually are V.C. Andrews and keep the Kincaid girls locked in the attic.  Once a week, we unlock the door and toss in some red meat and Fat Bastard merlot.  Once a year, they toss out a manuscript.

You’re kidding!  It’s true??  Okay-my lips are sealed.  I’ll tell her she’s wrong, wrong, wrong.  I don’t much care for her anyway so it’ll be fun.  But, geeeze – couldn’t you at least spring for some better wine?

EE:  Here’s your chance to squash another rumor about you two.  Word is – Louis Kincaid is a real person under the witness protection program and he feeds you two all his real life adventures. 

PP:  Damn, another truth exposed.  Louis is really Kelly’s fourth husband Larry, and an old white dude who was a delivery guy with UPS until his looks went and he caught on with FedEx as a lost package tracer.  He lives in a double-wide near the Memphis airport and emails Kelly about his adventures.  Larry is currently at work on his own novel, "The UPS Man Always Comes Twice."  Larry says it’s a thriller but Kelly says its strictly fantasy.

Ah!  Finally !  I’ve got some spys who are on the ball!  But gosh, poor guy’s delusional, huh?  Good thing Kelly dumped him.

EE:  Buzz is that you two discuss plot via individual web cam’s and are thinking about posting them on MySpace.  What?  You want to let aspiring writers know how easy it is to write a book?  I mean, the field is crowded enough!

PP:  Okay, let’s be serious here.  The field IS crowded and it’s getting harder every day to break in – and to stay in.  But whoever said this was going to be easy?  Writing’s like having thin thighs.  If it were easy, everyone would do it.  Kelly sez, everyone IS doing it.  Okay, if GOOD writing were easy, everyone would be doing it.  If you are good – and you have enough passion – you will make it.

You’re on the mark there!

EE:  So I’m hearing that you two do a damn fine rendition of ‘Blues In The Night’ and are rehearsing now for next year’s Edgar’s.

PP:  When we were named co-chairs of Edgar Week 2007, the first thing the MWA board did was tell us we couldn’t sing anything.  But we have come up with a bunch of ways to spice up th Edgar banquet.

1-Board members will walk Manhattan streets with sandwich boards saying FOLLOW ME TO THE EDGAR’S!!

2-Reed Farrell Coleman will open with a musical membership pitch to join MWA called ‘Why MWA?’ sung to the tune of "YMCA."

3-David Morrell, wearing a loin cloth and bandana, will be on standby to shoot paintballs at any speaker who goes over the two-minute limit.

4-Every table will be decorated with a lifelike statue of Poe peeing out free champagne all night long.

5-At evening’s end, in a final tribute to Hitchock, 5,000 live ravens will be released to swoop over the tables as guests exit.  (Actually they’re crows becasue they’re cheaper to rent but everyone will be too drunk on free champagne to notice.)

Seriously, folks – we’re going to have a helluva party at next year’s Edgar’s.  And we’re having a ball planning it.

Just seeing David Morrell in a loin cloth would be worth the price of admission!

EE:  My best spy tells me that both of you have been approached by the producers of ‘Housewives’ to be regulars next season – and you’ll be portraying your real life roles as best selling authors.  Are your husbands good with this?

PP:  You know, Lee Goldberg got us a reading but we were rejected for not being desperate enough.  Or maybe it had to do with how we looked in the stilettos and thongs.

My insider souce tells me it wasn’t the stilettos or thongs – it was because your parts were on the table to be expanded as co-leads and it caused a major hissy fit.  Expect a call any day now…but you didn’t hear this from me, okay?

EE:  Word on the street is that Kelly’s expertise as a former dealer at the gaming tables will be the basis for a ‘tell-all’ coming up soon.  Uh, does Donald Trump know about this?

PP:  Yes, and it has his hair standing on end.

Eeeeekkk!!

EE:  And I’m also hearing Kris – that you’re planning on revving up the love scenes in the next Kincaid book, but Kelly is do damn shy, she’s turned that portion of the writing over to you.  Are you good with this?

PP:  This is true, we swear.  We just wrote our first on-camera love scene in our next book.  A THOUSAND BONES (Pocket 2007).  Neither one of us wanted to write it, especially since it involves, well, our heroine getting pleasured by her man in certain way. (how’s that for a euphemism?).  We were so squirrely about it that one night in the bar at SleuthFest we asked a bunch of female crime writers if they really wanted to read that sort of thing.  A resounding YES!  Especially from Don Bruns and Jerry Healy, who were eavesdropping.

This isn’t exactly a family channel, but we’ll go with the euphemism.  So, uh…when in 2007?  Not that I’m anxious…just thought some others might want to know.  What I mean is….oh, hell, never mind.

EE:  Okay, time to get serious!  Let’s hear about your Walter Mitty dreams.

KRIS:  I want to be a Rockette.  I can dance okay, but I’m 56, five-foot-three and shrinking fast.

KELLY:  I want to be a torch singer in a New Orleans blues club.  The closest I got was singing "Hey Good Looking" a a karoke bar in Tunica, Mississippi.  True story.

And the board won’t let you do a routine at the Edgar banquet??  I protest!  I’m going to call Margery right this minute.  I can picture it now – Kelly belting her heart out and Kris kicking up her heels all over the stage.  This could be the utlimate show stopper!  It ain’t fair, I tell you!

EE:  Tell us who you’d both (not at the same time, naturally!) love to have all to yourselves in a cozy corner of the bar at the next con?

PP:  Ken Bruen.  A lovely man.  And why not at the same time?

Why not indeed?  Excellent choice.

EE:  Okay, Ladies!  Get ready for this one.  You’re at ThrillerFest and you get to choose your panel mates.  Who are they?

PP:  We would surround ourselves with the prettiest faces and bask in the reflected glow.  Tess Gerritsen, Gayle Lynds, Zoe Sharp and Barry Eisler.

Oh. Well, since you want ‘prettiest’ I won’t pout about being left out.  Besides, you chose my some of my favorites anyway.  And yeah-Barry would certainly qualify!

EE:  So Kelly – what’s the scoop on the rumor that Kris does a mean hula and won’t show you her moves?  That’s not very sisterly like, but are you handling it okay?

PP:  First of all, it’s not a hula.  It’s a hula-hoop-watusi-Hullabaloo thing left over from the Sixties, an era from which my sister has never quite emerged.  she still brags about getting tear-gassed in college but she won’t tell me what she was protesting.  I think her author picture is from the Sixties too.

Call me –  okay?  I have the scoop and it wasn’t over Bra burning either.

EE:  You’re on tour – it’s a double signing schedule – you get to choose who goes with you.  Who would that be?  Kris?  Kelly?  Come on, don’t be shy.

PP:  Whoever’s atop the Times bestseller list.  We’re no fools.

So if you were on the road now – I guess that would be either Brad Melzer or Cormac MacCarthy?  I sure as hell know it ain’t gonna be Bill O’Reilly!  Oh, could you just picture that?

EE:  You’re having a dinner party for six.  Who would they be and what would you serve?

PP:  Otto Penzler and five cozy writers.  We wouldn’t have to serve anything because they’d eat him alive.

AUTHORS TAKE NOTE:  Kris and Kelly will be thowing names in the hat to select five cozy mystery writers.  Should you wish to partake of this fabulous offer – this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – you must contact them before midnight – October 14th.  You may do so here at On The Bubble if you so desire – or should you wish to remain anon – then an email will suffice.  Please note in the subject line – ‘Cannibals R US’.  But hurry! This offer will not last long.

Kris & Kelly!  You were both absolutely terrific!  Thanks for playing with me – and thanks so much for being such great gals.