I’m A Turkey

Oh crap.  This post is going out on Thanksgiving.  No one is going to read this.  Everyone in the US is going to be tucked up with their families and a turducken.  This’ll be a real test of how many of you are out there are Murderati Simon fans or can’t stand another second of your family and need a distraction.  If you’ve ducked out for five minutes to read this, it’s time to sound off.  Post a message in the comment box so that I know who you are.

Ah, Thanksgiving.  It’s a time for Americans (and Canadians last month) to give thanks for what they have.  Supposedly, this American holiday is second to only to the reigning champ, Christmas.  It’s a biggie.

Not for me, it isn’t, though.  This is my eighth thanksgiving and I’ve yet to feel anything for it.  My friends go, “Yay, it’s Thanksgiving.”  Me, I go, “Yay, four-day weekend.”  I just haven’t latched on to the significance of it.  But I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t partake.  I’m quite keen on the big dinner and the boatload of desserts—except for pumpkin pie.  Pumpkin is not a fruit or a relation of chocolate.  Chucking all those spices in it does make it edible, but it’s all a delusion.  It’s vegetable pie.  It’s a lie like carrot cake.  So I shun you pumpkin pie, the Cuckoo amongst heaven-sent desserts.

I watch my American family and friends getting into the spirit and I feel very distant.  I know what it is to be a foreigner and an outsider to this culture.  I know the stories, history, the Macy’s parade, Dallas Cowboys football game and all that, but it’s just not my holiday.  I didn’t grow up with it, so it has no meaning—except for dessert.  I like dessert.  Did I mention that? 

It’s not that I’m trying to be a grinch type character who has nothing good to say and it’s not like I haven’t got anything to be thankful for.  It’s just that I just don’t connect with the celebration.  That might change over time.  The longer I’m here the more I will assimilate, but for now, I’m happy to eat more pie.  It’s a compromise, I know.

I will enjoy myself.  This year, I’m having Thanksgiving at a friend’s house, so it should be fun.

Well, tomorrow is a day off too.  I’ll be a loose end, so I’ll hit the stores.  I’m sure it won’t be busy.

Simon Wood
PS: I’ve been given an extra reason to be thankful, but I can’t tell you about it…not just yet.  Cruel, I know, but that’s me.   🙂

16 thoughts on “I’m A Turkey

  1. Vicki ~Wicksflame~

    Simon, as you see I have no life lol…actually this is the second year I have not had to spend countless hours preparing thanksgiving feast for my family and the srays they manage to bring home….I am thankful my girls are grown…I am also very thankful this year to all the great people i have met via my space….you being one of them. So even tho you really don’t celebrate from my house to yours I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving, and hey are you kidding….shopping on black friday…ewww did that last year never again!.

  2. B.G. Ritts

    Catching up online before starting the bird. I agree about pumpkin pie — not something I eat, even if it’s the only dessert available. I just have an extra helping of stuffing and gravy! I’l skip Macy’s parade, but will tune in to football from noon to night.

    Happy Thanksgiving, Simon!

  3. Pat Snelling

    When I was 8 or 9-years-old (my eighth Turkey day), I was only interested in the food and how I got to play with my cousins in their tree house. Over the years, more that 50 turkey days, I have memories that piled up from all those special days. Days when we were able to celebrate with family that are now long gone. Days when things went so wrong….when my uncle slipped on some mashed potatoes and slammed his head on the stove. We were still cleaning up the blood when the ambulance arrived. There was also the Turkey day when the water pipes broke and we had to get buckets of water from our neighbors to wash the dishes. Over the years you pile up the memories and the celebration means something more. You just have a little pile…give it time…the memories will ferment like good wine…P.S. Congratulations…that’s just me 🙂

  4. JT Ellison

    Simon, Happy Thanksgiving. I promise not to assail you with the culinary wonders in my kitchen — as there is a pumpkin pie there.Actually, making the pies is my favorite part. I feel dislocated on this holiday because my family isn’t in town, and we host my husband’s family. It’s wonderful to have everyone together, but there’s nothing like having your own family at the table.So I use all the traditions from my family, and try to do it up right. Oh — the 2006 Beaujolais Nouveau came out just in time to be served at dinner too!Have a wonderful day, everyone.

  5. Mike MacLean

    I’ve got two Thanksgiving Day dinners on tap. First, we’ll visit my wife’s family, then waddle over to my brother’s house. I can feel the buttons on my pants straining already. As is our tradition, my wife and I will then spend a quiet night at home watching CSI and trying not to vomit. (Isn’t that what the pilgrims did?)

    I’ll eat pumpkin pie in desperation—after all other pies are decimated. The Wildflower Bread Company makes a chocolate pumpkin cheesecake. If you feel you must eat some pumpkin this holiday, that’s not a bad way to go.

    Happy turkey day everyone.

  6. simon

    Daniel: Thank goodness for Aussies. I never thought I’d say that. 🙂

    Lisa: Guy Fawkes day is pretty sad out here. Just me setting off a firework and leading a parade by myself doesn’t have the same feel. 🙁

    To everyone else, please resume eating…

  7. Sue Trowbridge

    I’m a vegetarian, so I always feel really left out on Thanksgiving! I tried Tofurkey a few years ago and found it really icky. It’s got a weird, spongy texture.

    Our families are thousands of miles away so it’s just my husband & me. It feels pretty much like any normal weekend day. We’re going to the movies and then I’ll probably try to catch up on some work. Since everybody else is celebrating, at least my inbox won’t be filling up with new messages…

  8. Deni Dietz

    Since I’m a football fanatic (or as my half Aussie husband Gordon says, “poofta footie fanatic”) and my team, the Broncos, are playing KC, I enjoy Thanksgiving. Most years I make turkey-for-two, but I’m up to my ears in free-lance editing jobs and Gordo says: No. Cooking. Instead, we’re ordering Chinese take-out. There’s nothing more American than Chinese take-out, eh?

    A shame I don’t have guests coming. It would motivate me to clean my house.

    I like pumpkin pie, even though it’s supposedly good for you.

    But -sigh- I’m off sugar until my next birthday, or Left Coast Crime, whichever comes first.

  9. Eric Mayer

    Hey, I *did* read it, even if it’s 25 past Thanksgiving now. Mary and I are vegetarians and she’s English so the holiday isn’t big at our household. The cat got turkey cat food though.

  10. pari noskin taichert

    So, it’s the day AFTER Thanksgiving and I’m catching up. I love a holiday that’s dedicated to being grateful.

    As a matter of fact, I love it so much I’m doing it again tomorrow. Today, it’s just a matter of getting through the peeling of 3 damn pounds of chestnuts for the stuffing.


    I can’t wait to hear about that EXTRA reason you’ve got to be thankful, Simon.

    Do tell . . .

  11. Alexandra Sokoloff

    I don’t know, Simon – I grew up in California and I don’t have much of a connection to Thanksgiving, either. It all happened before the history of MY state, and it seems completely hypocritical, given our subsequent treatment of Native Americans. Plus, as a longtime dancer, the food part makes me nervous.

    I’d rather skip it and go to the beach.


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