by J.D. Rhoades
Yesterday was the day.
Drop day. Launch Day. Publication Day.
The day that my fourth book, BREAKING COVER, hit the beaches to try to claw its way to success with nothing but a spunky attitude and a dream of someday making its way into the Big Time.
When my first book, THE DEVIL’S RIGHT HAND, came out, people asked me, "so, are you going to have a big party in New York to kick it off?"
It seemed like a great idea. After all, I’d seen the episode of Sex and the City where Sarah Jessica Parker kicks off the launch of her book at a great big New York party attended by incredibly witty and improbably hot literati.
With big drinks. And shrimp. I love shrimp.
God help me, I was naive enough to ask my editor if we were going to do something like that. Being a kind soul, and not wishing to crush all my illusions (or perhaps knowing that the business would be pleased to do so without his intervention) he did not laugh derisively in my face. No, he gently informed me, the publishers were going to concentrate their resources where they might actually do more good than just getting me drunk and boosting my ego.
I saw his point. After all, I can do both of those things just fine on my own.
So I confess, I’ve never had a big fancy party to kick off one of my books.
But doggone it, I still think it would be pretty cool.
So let’s have a virtual one!
All you guys are invited, of course…and you can help me plan it. You can each bring a guest, and since it’s a virtual party, it can be anyone in any world, real or fictional.
We’ll need to stock the bar, so tell me what you’re drinking.
And the kitchen’s open, with a crack team of chefs, so let me know what you want to eat.
Finally, I’ve got one kick ass band booked and they take requests…so what song is it you wanna hear?
Come on in, folks…you are invited!
Wow, JD, Thanks for the invite.
Let’s see, I’ll be bringing my beautiful wife on one arm and since this is a virtual event, Evangeline Lilly (she’s the lady I think of as my protagonist Laura Daniels) on the other arm. That would be a crazy night.
Have any Belgium beer? If you wait a few months, it won’t be hard to find. Since we finally perfected the taste of Bud Light by adding lime to it, I’ll have a Bud Light Lime.
HOw about some of those mini corn dog-things– Oh wait, this is a fancy event. I’ll be simple and stick with a cholesterol-filled Rib-eye steak medium rare. Walk the cow by the fire twice please.
For music, I’m easy. I listen to most anything, but ya gotta play The Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang. I need something to get down and dirty to on the dancefloor with two women on my arms.
“Do it nowYou and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammalsSo let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”
Oh Boy, I just love a party. Especially, a virtual party ’cause then no matter what embarrassing thing(s) I might do, it virtually just doesn’t matter. Hooray!What a great idea!So, Mr. Rhoades, in honor of you and BREAKING COVER, a sincere and hearty congratulations and let the party begin!Starting off with lots and lots of shrimp, please (I love shrimp too), and I’d like some of Will’s Ribeye, please – maybe topped with some fresh Maryland Blue crab and hollandaise sauce.And I’ll have a White Russian. I know its dated, and no longer a cool drink. I know that. I do not care. I love ‘em and since it’s a virtual party, there are NO calories in this baby, so bring it on. Several of them – keep them coming, please.My guests, Pat Conroy and Johnny Depp and Keith Richards and Willie Nelson and Gretchen Wilson will all have one too. They also do not care what’s cool and what’s not. None of us have heard that very cool new hot band you have up there on stage rocking out, but man – they are GOOD! Do they know, do you think, “Redneck Woman?” Gretchen would like to sing along with them if they do.
(This is fun!!)
Kaye
I’m here, Dusty. Sitting quietly in the corner, nursing a beer, and wishing you the best of success.
Hey, first virtual round is one me.
Congratulations.
Congratulations on the launch!
So I’m drinking a Bombay Sapphire dirty martini, and would love some crab cakes to go with it.
As for a song request, Aerosmith’s version of Train Kept A Rolling, please.
And I think my guest will be my friend Betsy, because she’s so much fun at parties 😉
Congratulations on the launch!
So I’m drinking a Bombay Sapphire dirty martini, and would love some crab cakes to go with it.
As for a song request, Aerosmith’s version of Train Kept A Rolling, please.
And I think my guest will be my friend Betsy, because she’s so much fun at parties 😉
Congratulations, baby! Can’t wait to read it.
Ooh, a party, how fun! I’ll have one of Kaye’s White Russians (and Johnny Depp, too, please…)
Food, eh. But where there’s Aerosmith, there’s dancing, and that’s enough for me.
Congratulations, Dusty! I’ll have buckets of shrimp and a chilly white wine. And I’ll be bringing my dog, Cisco. I may need a guide dog to get me home.
First order of business for this party — buy the book!
Second, since it’s virtual, I’m assuming no hangover, in which case I’ll indulge in a few margaritas.
Ice cold shrimp for me as well, and tons of it.
I’d like mini-Kiss to do anything pre-Lick It Up
Who will come — of course, Randy, who is the best time at a party anyway.
Oh, Dusty,Congrats on number 4. What an accomplishment.
I’m so ready for a party . . . you have no idea.
Tonight I don’t want to talk; I want to dance. There was this guy in college, David, who was my “dance partner.” We both dated other people, but would never, ever dance with anyone else. I’d invite him . . . wherever he is.
The food? Fresh sushi and Vietnamese. They use shrimp too.
The music? http://www.alhurricane.com/Al Hurricane is a New Mexico tradition who plays really hot, fun music; he’s a super character too. You’d love him (except for his politics).
Most of all, I’d just be glowing — happier than hell — for your success.
Congratulations, and thanks for the virtual invite! I’d bring my spouse and kid, of course.
Hopefully the bartdender can whip up a Midori sour (for me) and a Fat Tire beer (for the spouse). Oh, and Amy likes Diet Coke.
Food choices? No contest…a nice plate of fresh sushi would be lovely…especially a spicy tuna roll or two, and some of that melt-in-your-mouth salmon nigiri.
Nothing to add to the music choices so far — sounds like a great party!
WOOT! and YEEEEEE-Haw! Congratulations, Dusty!
Blue, our Staffordshire/Corgi/Sharpei, presents you with two freshly . . . ummm, harvested . . . possums, with which to make your famous Possum Paté. Good things must be shared. Don’t tell the Northerners about the gizzards.
Lloogie – remember Lloogie, your llama? – has brought you a 5-kilo bale of some green herbaceous product from the valleys of his homeland. No, not that product. Yerba maté, a fine tea, very good iced, and it will Keep Us All Awake and Keep The Party Goin’ On!
I’m dancin’ with Mary Lynn and her cousin Bobbie Faye. GOOD TIMES!
Definitely shrimp. And Bass Ale. I’ll bring Charlize Theron, who seems like she’d be a blast. (The Spousal Equivalent won’t mind it’s a virtual party, and Charlize is on The List.)
Music by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, whihc allows for swing dancing. (Which, while I suck at it in reality, I will be quite adept in this virtual party.
And shrimp. Did I mention shrimp?
Dana, glad to see someone else has The List.
Duuuuuude. You write books?
Anyway, I’m showing up late with a scary clown. Just some disgruntled circus worker who can’t live without the make-up.
And I’m bringing a 8-pack of Miller High Life Light (it started as a 12…), but make sure you’ve got some of that tequila inthe plastic bottle on hand just in case.
And fuck alllll y’all’s music choices, because once I arrive, we’re only listening to one thing: Naughty by Nature’s “OPP”.
As for food…I dunno. Whatever’s on the nearest plate of someone else will be fine. They don’t need to eat that much anyway, if you know what I mean…
Congrats on the book. And I hope it blows up. And sorry about the vomit in the cat’s box. I wish I could stick around to clean it up, but, (looks at watch), sheesh, you know?
Tom, do not let Bobbie Faye teach you that new trick she learned with the Bic lighter, ‘kay?
Dusty, I’m bringing the family, which includes all of Bobbie Faye’s relatives, so we’re bringing jambalya, come crawfish etouffee, and plenty of beer. (If we don’t bring something, you’ll be cleaned out faster than locusts in a corn field.)
Neil Smith, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t he great?
Congratulations!Well, I was going to be attending Shakespeare in the Park tonight — they’re doing Macbeth but I suppose if you’ve seen one … I’ll be bringing Gerard Butler dressed as his 300 character. In fact, perhaps I’ll bring a few more of those 300 guys in their skimpy costumes and abs.I’m a sucker for brie. I’ll just take a platter of it for myself since whenever I go to a real party that is serving it I have to be polite and only nibble and never go for seconds or thirds. A sweet wine would probably go well with this, thanks.Well in real life the only music I can dance to is reggae where all you really have to do is bob side to side. Good classic rock is always a hit for me. And with the company so far, how can this party miss? We’d be talking books into the wee hours. I love it.PK the Bookeemonster
Wow Mr. Rhoades, what a fantastic idea! Congratulations on the 4th book! Truthfully, I’d still like to read Rebel Yell somewhere in the future, souded like a neat concept.
Hmm, as to the party…I’ll of course be bringing my beautiful wife, and we’ll be sitting as far away as possible from Kaye Barley and Alex Sokoloff (not because of them, but to put distance between my wife and Johnny Depp…she REALLY likes him). I think I’ll also ask Ali Larter to dye her hair brown and join us, because she’s the one I picture when I’m writing Dylan Videtich, and she could probably handle Keller if he gets upset or starts breaking shit.
My wife will be drinking the dessert wine, and I’ll have your choice of Moosehead, Smithwicks, or Rolling Rock…whichever you think your other guests might prefer to sample–I’ll bring A LOT.
Foodwise, just throw on some steaks, Medium. We’re easy.
Oh, and while I’m normally a metal head this is a gathering, so perhaps some John Lee Hooker or Nina Simone blues? With this party, you’ve got to be “Feelin’ Good.” Hell, I quit smoking 13 years ago, but since it’s virtual, I might light one up for old times’ sake.
Oh, and Mr. Rhoades, LOVE the title of the post. I guess that means we’ll have to invite Rocky, Dr. Frank, Riff, Magenta, Columbia, Brad (ASSHOLE!!!), Janet (SLUT!!!), and the rest of the Time Warp crew.
Party On!!
I gotta say.I REALLY like this group of people who will be attending this party.Jake Nantz, honey (may I call you honey? if not, I take it back.). You’re killing me though with the cigarette mention.I haven’t had a cigarette in a couple of months, but I think a virtual cigarette sounds like a smashing grand idea.In the meantime – let’s all try to steer clear of that cat box. Ewwwwwwwww.
Toni, Bobbie Faye learned the Bic lighter trick from Mary Lynn. I – still – have the assymetrical scorch marks in my beard to prove it.
Do you think the crack team of chefs could handle beer can chicken? I’ve heard of it, it sounds sort of fun…although I sort of wonder if the can ever explodes …so a virtual party is the ideal venue to give it a go.
I think JT is onto something about there being no hangover in a virtual party, but I’d push it a little further with a jug of Margarita’s as my um drink of choice. Is it a bad thing to be a virtual lush?
Oh and Nick Cave as a guest as Johnny Depp sounds like his dance card is rather full.
Congrats on the new book. I’m looking forward to reading it a lot.
Hey JD. This morning when I answered, I was all jacked up on Mountain Dew. I failed to congratulate you. So…
Congrats man. It’s quite an accomplishment. You very much deserve a big bash, virtual or not.
Congratulations on another book, JD. A virtual party? Sounds like much fun. I’ll bring by Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn. I hear they’re like musicians or something.
Catherine, I’ve had beer can chicken. It’s wonderful. So yeah, I’ll have ’em whip up a whole one, just for you.
And many many thanks to all my guests. Bar’s open, kitchen’s fired up, the band’s tuning up. LET’S ROCK!
Congratulations on your 4th book! What a great party! Tom Barclay just invited all the TLC people over, so I hope you have lots more room for some really fun people!
As for food, well I’m partial to asparagus rolls…definitely a ’60s and ’70s party treat, but still a yummy treat. I’ll bring my own O’Douls, but please ask the bartender to pour a shot glass of your finest chilled Vodka for me…with a twist.
The music? How about some Jethro Tull and Led Zeppelin…with a little Linkin’ Park thrown in?
Everybody, try the (heh, heh, heh) ‘Habanero Chicken Chili’ Mary Lynn and Bobbie Faye and She, Margie are making in the kitchen. Elaine Viets came by and donated some . . . uh, hmmm, yes, large animals she found in the stairwell at her place today, and everyone says they ‘taste just like chicken!’
How did you wrangle those lizards, Elaine?
Becky, always glad to see the crew from TLC, who put on a pretty tumultuous throwdown their ownselves.
OMG, Dana said “Big Bad Voodoo Daddy”…
This party’s going on all night.
That’s the plan, man.
Hi Dusty,
(‘s been a long time; I used to hang out on alt.callahans back when you did.)
Anyway, congratulations on the book release, and I’ll have some shrimp too. Also, I’ll bring some of the shrimp-stuffed cold artichokes that I snagged a restaurant recipe for. And oh yes, Irish coffee please?
GLINDA! Whoo-hoo! Glad to see you, darlin’!
Access to the Place went down for me once stupid Roadrunner stopped carrying USENET. You been back lately?
Hey, Dusty, conga-rats to you!
And what a cool party! I’ll have a Spicy Lemon Soda, thanks — can’t get ’em around here. Music? Anything by Men Without Hats or Sisters of Mercy; I’m teaching my friend Zack how to dance. Oh, this is Zack Addy from Bones, in the alternate universe where they didn’t destroy the show at the end of Season 3.
Hey… is that DonPaul’s Magic Dress-Up Box I see over there in the corner?
Woo hoo! Congratulations on Number 4, Dusty! That’s a seriously grand accomplishment! And hey, if it’s a launch party, I want an inscribed copy! Something like “Hey Fran, remember not to tell where we hid the body!” or something equally provocative.
Champagne is always my libation of choice at a time like this!
Shrimp and blue crab cakes are the order of the day, food-wise.
And if we could have a good cover of Pure Prairie League’s “Aimee”, and anything by Steely Dan, I’m a happy gal.
I think pretty much everyone I want to party with is already here – and I want to keep a close eye on Bobbie Faye so I can learn stuff – and my sweet Lillian doesn’t much like parties, so I think I’d invite Kat Richardson’s Harper Blaine. But I’d ask her to leave her ferret, Chaos, at home.
Congratulations again, Dusty!
Well, if all y’all weren’t here, it’s just plain unfortunate . . . Dusty? Dusty? Gotta go, man, congrats again!
Sorry I couldn’t make the party. Congratulations on the new book. Looking forward to reading it.