by J.D. Rhoades
God, I hate August.
We are well and truly into the dog days of summer around
here. Vacation’s a distant memory. The kids are bored and cranky. And the heat,
good lord, the heat. When the dog goes outside to do the dog thing, he stops at the door,
sighs heavily and looks mournfully back over his shoulder at me as if
this is all my fault before slumping out the door with his head and
tail hung low. Walking from my office to the courthouse in a suit is like
the Sun’s Anvil scene in Lawrence of Arabia.
It’s hot enough to make a bishop cuss. Birds are pulling worms out of the ground using pot holders. I saw a dog chasing a
cat and they were both walking (rim shot).
So damn it, if we’re stuck inside, let’s have some fun.
Let’s play a game.
I confess, this particular game is lifted from a recent thread
on the USENET newsgroup rec.arts.mystery.
To play, you have to come up with a
line from a mystery or thriller novel containing something a well-known character
would be highly unlikely to say or do.
For example, RAMer
Jim Barker (who designed the cool logo at left) comes up with this gem:
“Jack Reacher admired the cut of his new Armani
suit, luxuriating in the feel of his
silk boxers against his skin.”
"Never mind the evidence, Watson," Holmes cried, "I just have a funny feeling about this!"
Here’s one of mine:
"Screw this elevator music,"
Harry Bosch said, ejecting the Art Pepper disc from the player. "Hand me
that Dixie Chicks CD."
See how it’s played?
So, what line are YOU unlikely to hear from your favorite
And while we’re talking heat, give me your best “It’s so hot
And since every really good game should have prizes, best
one in the “unlikely lines from beloved characters” wins all three volumes of the Jack Keller
series so far: THE DEVIL’S RIGHT HAND and GOOD DAY IN HELL in paperback, and
SAFE AND SOUND in hardcover. All autographed. Best “it’s so hot that…” joke
gets to pick any one of the three. Entries must be posted to Murderati by
midnight EDT Thursday. Decision of the judges (me and possibly my wife) is
And just for fun…what line is unlikely to come from YOUR