When I think of miracles I think of “Miracle on the Hudson,” which was not a movie or a television mini-series, but an actual real-life event, just a year and a half ago, when 155 people were saved after the captain of U.S. Airways flight 1549 crash-landed their plane into the Hudson River.
Not a life was lost.
It was an amazing story. Uplifting, hopeful. I wondered why I hadn’t seen it emerge as a TV movie or a major motion picture.
And then I remembered my own history in the entertainment industry, and I imagined the pitch meeting that might have occurred after the incident…
INT. EXECUTIVE OFFICES/20th CENTURY FOX DAY
LEW, a gray-haired senior executive, sits in a well-appointed office next to RICHARD, his Vice President of Development. Posters of classic Hollywood movies adorn the walls. Lew’s name dominates the credit lines on such films as “The Poseidon Adventure,” “Earthquake,” “The Towering Inferno,” and “Airport.”
JERRY and SANDY, two television producers in their fifties, sit in chairs opposite the execs. They are well dressed and in full-pitch mode.
JERRY
It came as an epiphany, Lew. I mean, I called Sandy the second I
saw the footage and I said, “Sandy…Miracle on the Hudson–”
SANDY
And I said to Jerry, “Everyone survives!”
JERRY
That’s what she said, Lew, that’s exactly what she said. And I
knew we had a hit on our hands.
Lew shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
LEW
Jer, how long we known each other?
JERRY
Christ, Lew, thirty-five years?
LEW
Remember the fun we had on “Earthquake?”
JERRY
The best, Lew.
LEW
How many people did we kill in that script?
JERRY
Gosh…dozens.
LEW
Three hundred twenty-two.
JERRY
That many, huh? I think that’s how many bad reviews we got, too.
LEW
Remember the box office?
JERRY
We made a lot of money, Lew, we did.
LEW
How many did we kill on the Poseidon?
JERRY
Well, that was a finite number, since you can only have so many
people on a boat to begin with. It’s not like an earthquake—
LEW
Six hundred forty, Jer.
JERRY
That many?
LEW
This “Miracle on the Hudson,” …how many people die?
SANDY
If you’ll allow me to interject here, Lew, I think I know where you’re
going with this. See, “Miracle” is the flipside of Poseidon. Think of
Jim Cameron’s “Titanic,” think about that kind of box office, right?
“Miracle” is “Titanic,” except it’s exactly the opposite, see?
And “Titanic” made a billion dollars, Lew. Think about that.
LEW
So what you’re saying, Sandy, is I can expect to lose a billion
dollars on “Miracle on the Hudson.”
Jerry moves forward in his seat, effectively “cock-blocking” Sandy’s dying pitch.
JERRY
We’re talking apples and oranges, Lew. This isn’t a feature film
here, it’s a movie of the week. Television has always been the
place for stories of inspiration and hope. Like “The Burning
Bed” or “Raid on Entebbe.”
Richard finally speaks up.
RICHARD
People died in both MOWs. Entebbe was tragic, innocent civilians
were shot and killed.
LEW
That’s it, Jer. Where’s the tragedy?
JERRY
The tragedy?
RICHARD
The husband burns to death in “The Burning Bed.” The woman
kills her husband. Those kids have to live without a father—
LEW
What’s the one about that handsome serial killer, ends up eating
his victims?
RICHARD
On the tip of my tongue, Lew. I can IMDB it if you want.
LEW
Point is, Jer, you can’t have hope without tragedy. Where’s the
tragedy in your “Miracle?”
JERRY
What have we come to, Lew? Does every story have to revolve
around some tragic event? Don’t we have the responsibility
to…to—
Sandy leans forward, subtly pushing Jerry aside.
SANDY
There’s huge tragedy in “Miracle on the Hudson.” The pilot and
the crewmembers suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for
months after the crash. The media swooped in and dissected
the pilot’s life—they turned him into a hero against his will.
JERRY
There was a woman on the plane with a baby in her arms, Lew.
She had to crawl over the seats when the water came rushing in.
Can you imagine that? They just crashed into the river, it’s
freezing in the water–”
SANDY
Like “Titanic.”
JERRY
Like “Titanic,” and this woman is screaming and trying to crawl
over the seats as the water pours in, threatening to drown her little
baby girl.
LEW
What happened to that woman, Jer? What happened to the baby?
Uncomfortable BEAT.
SANDY
Again, I see where you’re going with this, Lew, but—
Richard has his iPad in his hands.
RICHARD
Okay, I’ve got AOL news on line right now, and I’ll read you the
top three headlines. “Ten Year Old Kills Father and Stepmother
with Shotgun he Received on Birthday.” “Woman Fakes Cancer,
Bilks Community Out of Two Hundred Thousand Dollars.”
“Family of Thirty Drowns on Wedding Cruise to Catalina Island.”
LEW
I’d watch every one of them. Although the second pitch is a bit
weak, since the girl doesn’t really have cancer.
RICHARD
Sure, but you spin it, have her get something else, Lupus or
something. Now she really needs the community she bilked—
LEW
The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
RICHARD
Exactly.
LEW
Can you die from Lupus?
RICHARD
I’ll call Research, have an answer by morning.
LEW
Listen, Jer, it was great seeing you. I got a four o’clock
with Arnold and I think it’s going to go long. He’s looking to
do a sequel of “Twins.”
RICHARD
God, he’s desperate.
LEW
What else is he gonna do? He needs work.
JERRY
Lew, I think we really got something here. A new vision for
the future. A world where entertainment isn’t synonymous
with violence and pain.
Lew stands, puts a hand on Jerry’s shoulder.
LEW
I got three words for you, Jer. P-B-S.
Richard smiles, repeats Lew’s comment over and over again, laughing to himself.
JERRY
Lew…
LEW
Say hello to the little lady for me. We’ll get together for Pesach
next month. I’ll have Ethel give her a call.
* * *
I think I can find PBS on my cable box. Somewhere in the five hundred channels of chaos and destruction…
Great post Stephen, and I can SO see it happening.
Just do me a favour, will you? Pick another studio…;-]
Heh. good one.
Love it!
Too funny, Stephen. And probably too, too true.
Freaking awesome! Thanks for the peek inside.
At Thrillerfest, cannot remember what author said it…but it went something like, "Got writer's block? I have a cure. Sit down in your chair, and kill someone."
🙂
Stephen:
Needless to say, this is brilliant and spot-on.
And I guarantee you, somewhere in Hollywood, the script for the sequel to TWINS is making the rounds:
Arnold and Danny DeVito have lost all hope of surviving the fatal genetic disease they've been diagnosed with when they discover there is one blood donor in the world who could save them, a third, younger sibling they never before knew they had:
Zack Efron.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the plot of TRIPLETS.
Remember you heard it here first.
I loved the part in Raid on Entebbe where Helen Hayes's grandson asks her if she's upset about their plane being highjacked, and she assures him that it's fine because she's just taken her Valium. Oh wait, sorry… that was Victory at Entebbe.
You have a wonderful mind that maneuvers the twists and turns of life.
Put that in your fortune cookie and toss it over your shoulder for luck.
Brilliant post.
On second thought
You have a wonderful mind that manufactures the twists and turns sof life.
You must be a writer.
Thanks for the morning laugh. The more time I spend with Murderati the more I want to read everyone''s everything…but then, I guess that's part of the point eh?
Zoe – methinks you probably kill enough people to satisfy the studio.
JD, Spence, Louise – glad you got a laugh. And it's all too true.
Chuck – I think I heard that, too. Do you remember which panel that came from?
Gar, you crack me up. Thanks for stopping by. And I know there's been talk about a sequel to twins for about a decade. You found a good way to make it relevant – new star power.
Cornelia – we should get together one night and watch the Entebbe Trilogy.
Judy – thanks for the wonderful compliment. Words like yours make it all worthwhile.
Debbie – I'm with you. Everytime I read a Murderati post I want to go through every single link attached, and I want to read every blog in everyone's archive. Something to do after I retire, I suppose.
Was it Harlan Coben? He had a lot of good nuggets.
Brilliant, Stephen. I was sort of waiting for Lew to say, "but if we give the pilot a heart attack and the person who *really* landed the plane was the five-year-old Nelly in first class, and her dad, Ray (played by Timothy Olyphant in a bad mood), and wait… they have to kill the hostage taker…"
"Lew, there weren't any hostage takers."
"Work with me, here, kid. It'll be big."
Oh, man, Stephen. I LOVED this post — for its insights, humor and tragedy.
Toni – pack your bags, we're moving you onto the lot today.
Pari – thanks! Kinda fun to play everything out in dialogue, too.
Stephen
"Zoe – methinks you probably kill enough people to satisfy the studio."
Can I just reiterate – that's IN THE BOOKS…;-]
Great, Stephen. A good ending to the meeting might've been:
JERRY: Okay, Lew. You're right. It won't work. So how about if we call it TRAGEDY ON THE HUDSON?
LEW: Tragedy?
JERRY: Right. See, we'll just change it up a little and have a hundred or so people get killed. You know, drown, or whatever.
LEW: Even though that didn't really happen?
JERRY: Right. But who's gonna know?
LEW (pensive): Hmmmm.
JERRY (getting worked up now): And then we can show how the tragedy affected the aftermath. Like showing the weeping families. Or like the guy and girl who meet during the flight, and survive, can have totally different reactions to the crash, disrupting their inevitable hooking up.
LEW: But they meet cute, right?
JERRY: Of course, Lew. Of course. They can bump into each other while putting their carryons into the overhead bin.
LEW (smiling for the first time): Jerry, I think you've got yourself a Movie of the Week.
Mike – and that's how Hollywood rewrites history.
Congratulations, you're hired!
"…and I want to read everyone's blog in everyone's archive…" I've actually read all of Alex's blog I think. I can tell you the colour of her couches, whether or not she has pets, what kind and how many, what her mother calls her…. Yeah, it sounds a bit obsessive but I was actually looking for something specific that I'd read in the past. Hmm, makes me realize how much really slips out in our posts and admittedly, she's my hero and a household name here!
BTW – Just sent links to your posts to my son and you may have created a new Beatnik!
Debbie – there's more room on the couch at the Beat Museum! Bring him on in!
Sounds like the guys who used to work at Hearst when they were still doing Movie Of The Week biz.
"Yes, but are we cynical ENOUGH?"
Oh god, I loved this. Can we send to the New Yorker? It's just too funny. Or, too real?
Call my agent, Stephen. We're gonna want points.
Didn't find this funny at all. After four years wounds are still too fresh, I guess!
Funny how people who deal with books actually think about what will be best for the story. It was weirdly hard to get used to.
(Oh and cock blocking – a fine old Hollywood tradition I do not for one second miss. I see it once in a while in publishing. But it lasts a couple of days instead of a campaign to the death.)
Tom – if you haven't seen or read Mamet's "Speed the Plough," it's worth a look.
Allison – too funny and too real. The same way I felt about "The Player" – it wasn't a satire, it was a documentary.
Mike – I'll give you all the net points you want.
Alex – I was the "Richard" in enough of those meetings myself. I've been both Richard and Jerry. It's like living in a Fellini movie.