The Duffer Awards: Legendary Characters, Ridiculous Awards

by Alafair Burke

Remember high school Year Book Awards?  Most Likely to Succeed?  Best Dresser?  Most likely to raise the biggest pig?  (Hey, I went to high school in Kansas!)

Well, I think crime fiction characters need these kinds of very, very serious awards.  So for the entire month of June, my website will host the first annual Duffer Awards. Each day will feature two beloved crime fiction characters, matched head-to-head for very, very serious award categories like Most Likely to Win a Hot Dog Eating Contest and Odd Couples Most Likely to Win on Amazing Race.

And very serious awards need very serious award statues.  Duffer, as you probably know, is my very serious dog. 

dufflonggone 2

Here is a Duffer Award. (Notice that his body is NOT an Oscar Award because that would undoubtedly be some kind of trademark infringement, and Duffer is much too serious to get caught in that kind of scandal.)















We started the Duffer Awards on June 1.  (See how I used “we”?  Like “we” are a major operation with accountants tallying votes and whatnot?  We are very serious.)

Here are the awards we’ve decided so far (winners in bold):

1. Most Likely to Marry His Ex-Wife
Mickey Haller (Michael Connelly) v. Jesse Stone (Robert B. Parker)
2.  Most Likely to Sacrifice an Arm a la 127 Hours
Serge Storms (Tim Dorsey) v. Gretchen Lowell (Chelsea Cain)
3.  Most Likely to Make a 15-mile Detour for Good Junk Food
Tess Monaghan (Laura Lippman) v. Kinsey Milhone (Sue Grafton)

4.  Best Manners
Maisie Dobbs (Jacqueline Winspear) v. Inspector Lynley (Elizabeth George)

5.  Most Badass Sidekick
Bubba Rogowski (Dennis Lehane) v. Clinton “Skink” Tyree (Carl Hiaasen)

Today at the website, you can vote on Best Hat: Raylan Givens (Elmore Leonard) v. Walt Longmire (Craig Allen Johnson).  Post a comment beneath your vote, and you’ll automatically be entered to win weekly prizes including signed copies of my books and $50 gift certificates to your favorite bookseller.  The more you comment, the more you’re entered to win. 

Coming later in the month are 24 additional very serious awards for very serious things like Best Shoes, Ability to Travel the Globe in Two Pages or Less, Most Likely to Crash a Server on, and Most Likely to Get Away With It.  Click here and start voting today. And I hope the Murderati will visit the Duffers every day in June to vote on a new award.  (And perhaps help spread the word.  This should be fun for anyone who reads crime fiction!)

The Best Two Bucks You Can Spend

400000000000000381699_s4In other June-only news, ANGEL’S TIP is available in the US as a $1.99 e-book.  This special edition also includes an essay from me about the real-life stories that inspired ANGEL’S TIP, as well as the first three chapters of my new book, LONG GONE. 

If the idea behind this low price is to hook new readers, I feel a bit like a drug dealer handing out free samples on the playground.  But if you have been at all entertained by my posts here, this is a way to check out the novels for less than a cup of coffee. 

Here are the links to buy for Kindle, Nook, and the Sony Reader.  Okay, I feel a little dirty now.  And not in a good way.

Now for Comments: Help me get an early start on next summer’s Duffer Awards.  What are some very, very serious awards for crime fiction characters, and which two characters would make a good head-to-head match for the award?

14 thoughts on “The Duffer Awards: Legendary Characters, Ridiculous Awards

  1. Marleen Kennedy

    Funny you should ask about which characters should be up against each other. I've been having a chat on twitter with @maryrussell about the fact that I would love to see her up against Maisie Dobbs. I know Maissie already featured this year, so maybe next year? Although I'm not quite sure what the category should be.
    (Being honest, what I really want is a story featuring the two women, but I guess that is more than we can ask from Duffer.)

  2. Jake Nantz

    How about least likely to feel bad after killing someone? Jack Reacher vs. Joe Pike (I would put Bubba in here, but somehow "feel bad? he'd enjoy the hell out of it!!" doesn't seem to fit with the same spirit of the category).

    Or perhaps most likely to overstep professional bounds for a case? Alan Gregory vs. Alex Delaware.

    And Marleen, surely we can ask anything we need of the Duffer, but it is up to the Duffer (the almighty cute one) to grant our request, or politely decline…

  3. Louise Ure

    I like Jake's additional categories. Oh, and it's Longmire's hat in a landslide.

  4. David Corbett

    Most Likely to Slit His Wrists Before the Series Concludes:

    Harry Bosch (Michael Connolly) vs. Jackson Brody (Kate Atkinson)

    Most Likely to Devour Her Partner Post-Coitus:

    Clarice Starling (Thomas Harris) vs. Kay Scarpetta (Patricia Cornwell)

    Most Likely to Strangle my Neighbor if I Ask Nicely:

    Dix Steele (Dorothy B. Hughes) vs. Lou Ford (Jim Thompson)

    I'm assuming Duffer gets a vote.

  5. Alafair Burke

    Love the suggestions, but I hate to think of either Jackson Brody or Harry Bosch doing himself in!

    Tomorrow's the Amazing Race contest. I'm really looking forward to the comments!

  6. Alafair Burke

    You'll see that Jake and I are quite like minded. Reacher and Joe Pike are INDEED in the same category this year. And there is a category for most likely to overstep professional boundaries, but with different nominees. Great suggestions!

    Now…most likely to send an inappropriate photo via Twitter?

  7. Sylvia

    I'm loving the Duffer Awards…and the trophy! Duffer has ripped abs. I have category ideas but short on which characters to use. Feel free to manipulate as needed.

    Most LIkely to Pull a MacGyver and Save the Victim with a Hershey Bar, Hawaiian Lei and a Tampon

    Best Hair (or Best Hair & Nails)

    Worst Hair

    Most Likely to Trash a Rental Car (and get out of paying for it)

    Most Likely to Eat, Drink and Take a Drag In One Bite and Breath (or Most Admired Smoker)

    Least Likely to be Found at WalMart

    Most Likely to Mix Cavier and Cheetos

    Best Dressed

    Worst Dressed

Comments are closed.