by Satan, Prince of Darkness (guest blogging for J.D. Rhoades)
Howdy, folks. Satan here. Dusty’s a little tied up right now between holiday traveling and working on a book proposal, so I agreed to fill in this week for him. Little does he know what the price for that is…whoops, never mind.
Anyway, as some of you may know, I loooove making deals. I’m like my good friend Donald Trump in that regard. But a deal’s not a deal to me unless there’s a little, let’s say, twist involved. You may get what you want, but I have to get a little fun out of it too. That’s fair, isn’t it? It doesn’t make me a bad guy.
So here are a few proposals. You tell me, Deal or No Deal.
1) You will be the world’s best-read and most -beloved author. Millions will read you, everyone will know your name, and every one who does will love you. The catch is: all your sales will be through used bookstores. You won’t make a dime. Deal or No Deal?
2) Your books will be a bestsellers, and you’ll make millions. Your family will have total financial security. But no one will know who you are. You’ll never appear in public, never get your picture in the paper, and, in fact, your real name will never appear on any of your work. To everyone, you’ll just be some anonymous rich person. Deal or no deal?
3) You will be wildly successful. Everyone will know your name and you will make millions. You will hobnob with the rich and famous. You’ll even get rave reviews. But you and I will know beyond reasonable doubt that your work is crap. Deal or No Deal?
The versions for the non-writers:
1) You will be an innovator in your job or profession, establishing ways of doing things which become the standard. Your techniques will even bear your name. But only after you’re dead. In life, no one will know who you are. Deal or No Deal?
2) Same as number 1, but your way of doing things will be accepted in your lifetime. You’ll make millions. But no one will
know who you are. You’ll never appear in public, never get your picture
in the paper, and, in fact, your real name will never appear on any of
your work. Others will get all the credit, even though you make all the money. Deal or no deal?
Anyone who’s interested, just let me know, and I’ll send someone right over with the contracts. And hey, Happy Holidays!
Hey Satan, always nice to see you. Or at least, you know – familiar.
I’d take either 1 or 2 author deal, as long as the work was good. Three, no. The work’s got to be good, or what’s the point?
Satan, you’re temptin’ me….
1) no deal
3) deal – no matter what you write, you can’t please all the people, and plenty of folks will think it’s crap, if you’re successful or not, so revel in the good reviews and the cash, Satan baby 🙂
Safe travels my friend!
I was about to say “Sign me up!” for Deal #1, but my horoscope for today says “…accomplishing your goals is not enough. You also need recognition from your friends and associates.”
I guess I’ll have to pass.
1. No Deal
3. No Deal
I’d much prefer to be good than famous. And this would solve the pesky public speaking issues.Great post for today, Satan.
Wait, wait … there’s no clause regarding souls in any of these? (Except, of course, in no. 3, where handing over the soul is implicit.)
Or is there something in the fine print that hasn’t been included here?
I’m with JT on this one:
1. No deal.
3. No deal.
And deal or no deal, Satan and the Murderati crew, have a happy turkey day!
Geez you drive a hard bargain, Satan.
1. Maybe. Can we swing something in high finance for my husband to go along with this?
3. Life is too short, and eternity too long. No deal.
Hey, Satan,Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to drop by. We’ve sure gotten some great guest bloggers this year.
1. No Deal (unless I could figure out a way to make $ through ancillary sales and work — such as public speaking gigs . . .)
3. Nope. No way. If I knew it was crap, I wouldn’t want it published, not even for mega-bucks. I’m with Alex on this one.
I’d take #1 in a second.
#2 yes, although I actually prefer #1. (I may in fact be insane, looking at this, but I jumped on #1 the second I read it.)
Not a chance on #3. I don’t want anything published that I know is crap.
#2. If people are reading the books and enjoying them, that’s the ultimate win. I’d really rather the ability to just go away and be anonymous, but the publishing world isn’t built that way for new writers.
I’ll take #2 please. Sounds about exactly what I would love out of a writing career.
4) Actually be able to pay my rent this month.
And just where do Dr. Faustus and Daniel Webster come into these bargains?
There’s a catch to #2? Sounds perfect to me.
Wait a minute here…this all sounds too good to be true. I mean, we know the guy can’t be trusted, right?
So, come on here – what happened to the fine print? I always want full disclosure before I sign on to anything. 🙂 Besides, I don’t like that smile on his face. He looks too damn happy.
3. No Deal
All three are so much better than the deal I made with you when drunk. of course, I did get that nice toaster oven in the bargain.