1. Les Paul was Steve Miller’s godfather. How cool is that?
2. It is possible to turn in the final draft of one’s fourth novel at three minutes after midnight, which technically means it was a day late, and then pack up your entire apartment and put it into storage in Brooklyn in 36 hours, but only if your new landlords are total lawyer-happy douchebags.*
3. Silent movies can actually be GOOD.
And we should all go see The Artist when it comes out.
4. If your kid gives you the wicked chesty cough that’s going around, Mucinex DM totally rocks. And it doesn’t taste like nasty fake cherry bullshit. Even though I am not a fan of those phlegm CGI commercials with the family of green slime-things living in your lungs.
p.s. What’s green and skates? Peggy Phlegm.
5. Brussels sprouts cut in half, tossed with olive oil, garlic, lemon zest, and black pepper and roasted for about 45 minutes in a 350-degree oven until they’re brown and toasty can make up for totally douchey landlords.
6. David Corbett makes the best mix tapes in the history of the fucking world. Seriously. Especially when you have to pack your entire apartment in under 36 hours because you have douchey landlords.
Okay, actually, the coolest song is “Dragnet for Jesus” by Sister Wynona Carr, but they didn’t have it on Youtube so here she is singing “Each Day.”
7. If you don’t feel like packing up your toaster, your curler things you bought at a garage sale five years ago and never use, three hors-d’oeuvre platters your mother gave you, and five boxes of books you don’t want to keep, you can totally leave them on your douchey landlords stoop with impunity. If you live in Brooklyn, which of course I actually DON’T anymore.
8. My pal Andrea and her two kids have adopted the phrase “I have to go see my lawyer” when they’re staying in this house in Montauk and really have to use the bathroom quickly and need whomever else is in there to get out in a big fat hurry.
9. Pizza is better in New York City than anywhere else ever ever ever, and it’s cheap. And it’s good fuel when you have to stay up all night packing up your entire apartment because your landlords are douchey.
10. If some guy comes up to my window at an intersection and tells me my car’s on fire, I should just shoot him in the face and drive the fuck away.
And how was your week, dearest ‘Ratis? (I will be on a train and then driving to Vermont tomorrow, but will try to check in on comments… hugs to y’all….)
* And may they get bedbugs. With chlamydia.