I broke my brain this week. So for lighter fare, here are
random observations on the little things that might save y’all
good will ever come from someone saying, “Hey, I think this has gone bad. Taste
it and see.”
couldn’t even do this if I was sober,” is probably not a great thing to say to an
on your first date.
you have to check off, “Have been recently committed for mental instability” on
the form, they’re probably not going to let you buy the gun.
that’s not true of you asking, “Now which way do the bullets go?”
very toddler who rarely speaks to tell you when he needs to go to the restroom
will be the child who will shout at the top of his voice that, “MOMMY I HAVE TO
GO POOOPOOO NOW.”
in a department store.
you’ve finally made it to the cash register.
is the same child who’ll be mortified by your clothes when you go to his sporting
will be tempted to wear the ugliest shirt known to man.
likelihood of you hearing the words “Mom! I can’t find the snake!” is greatly
increased when you’re on the toilet.
bridge is out” sign is probably not a suggestion.
person who tells you up front that he or she is an asshole is probably in the
best position to know. Listen.
is going to notice when you try to steal a pool table if you strap that sucker
to the top of your car.
wacky IRS agents might take exception to you addressing your return to: Ha ha,
Okay, your turn: random observations of something dumb that people
WINNER FROM LAST WEEK — Julie P. !!
Like last week, I put the names in a hat and
my neighbor chose. So Julie, please email me at toni [dot] causey [at]
gmail [dot] com with your
address and I’ll get your signed copies mailed out to you this week!
(A SEPARATE CONTEST running on my personal BLOG today — for a $15 B & N certificate, plus a "shuck me, suck me, eat me raw" t-shirt – through tomorrow, only. Check it out here.)
Wow the book contest is still running? I thought this was over in May. Okay for sure this is my turn to win so here goes.
Toni. You’re so funny.A random observation about dumb things people do will have to come a little later though. I want to try to think of one that doesn’t have my name attached to it. BUT!!! I hope you’ll excuse me for jumping in here with other news.CONGRATULATIONS MURDERATI GANG on your Anthony Nomination for Best Web Site.How very cool is that??!Hugs all around!
My nomination for stoopid of the week: http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Stupid-Secretary-WTF.aspx
Huge congratulations on the arrival of book number 2!
Hey, max, yeah, I forgot this was a new month already. hell, I barely still know my name. 😉
Kaye, thank you! Isn’t that amazing? I think we are all a bit gobsmacked.
Oh, Daisy, that was hilarious! And it’s great to see you here! Thanks for coming by.
When the instructions say to wear appropriate footwear, you should probably listen.
Oh yeah, and that happened the same day I was reading Bobbie Faye – don’t I feel dumb!
Kaye,Thank you! I’m stunned. Tomorrow’s blog will be about it if I’m sane enough by then.
Toni,Here’s one:We have an oversized domino set where each wooden rectangle is at least five inches long, two wide and one thick. In boldface on the box, we’re cautioned that these may be a chocking hazard.
Yeah, well, maybe if you’re a camel.
The instruction on the box to “Tear Across Dotted Line” is not an invitation to race.
And another that just came to mind: Not all pretty sounding words make great names. No woman should be named Rosaceia.
NOTHING good ever follows the statement, “Hold my beer and watch this.”
The phrase, “I know this isn’t considered politically correct” actually means “I am trying to make being an asshole sound edgy and daring.”
Not original with me, but:
If your significant other says “I think we should see other people,” they already are.
Nothing good comes from:”We need to talk . . .”
Many thanks for all the congrats — we’re appropriately awed by the Anthony nomination…
I’m no good with the quips — I’ll leave that to our resident funnybones, Toni : )
I’m 49 years old.
Last week a 23 year old actress who’s blonde and a size minus 4 informed me she’s writing her “memoirs”.
My 80 year old neighbor who’s trying to convince me to cut down a tree. Her concluding thoughts – “Don’t you wished you lived in a Retirement Home?” No. Condo.
Congrats on the book, Toni. Do come visit for a rousing game of shuffleboard sometime soon.
I used to use statements like these with my acting students, telling them to watch the ordinary stupid things people do. Like continuing to flip the light switch when the light doesn’t come on. Or reaching down with a hand to test the swimming pool water after sticking a toe in and discovering it’s cold. It what, warmed up in that 3 seconds?
And if you ever want to watch crowd mentality? Stop in the middle of the street and stare into the sky. Others will stop and stare — and keep staring. Eventually one of ’em is going to say, “Oh yeah, I see it.”
And Toni, just so’s ya know, I ordered a copy of “Bobbie Faye” for me to read, but I wasn’t there when it came in.
JB sold it. Right away.
I’ve got another one coming, but I thought you’d get a kick out of knowing that we can’t keep it in the shop!