Murderati’s Gift List for Dads N’ Grads

by J.D. Rhoades

It’s that time of year again…the time when corporate America, half a year away from the Christmas bump, starts nudging you to spend some of your hard earned green on the father or graduate in your life. (Not that I’m complaining, mind you).

As we know, crime writers and dedicated crime readers sometimes have tastes that are, shall we say, a little different. So for that father or graduate in your life who’s also an aficionado of murder and mayhem, here are some gift ideas:

From SUCK UK comes Dead Fred: the pen holder. When those last few revisions or copyedits are made, take out your frustrations by plunging your favorte writing instrument into the heart (or other organs) of this little man made of “silicon rubber”. Pretend he’s that guy who wrote the nasty one-star Amazon review! From the people who brought you Splat Stan!

If your new graduate is moving out of the house (and ‘fess up, you’re praying that they are), they’re going to need some stuff for their new digs. For the kitchen, may I offer “The Ex” stainless steel knife set and holder from CSB:

A real conversation starter (or possibly stopper) for your next dinner party. Show the guests the cook is not to be trifled with!

Or perhaps, the Evidence Chef’s knife from Perpetual Kid:

“The perfect accessory to the crime,” promises the manufacturer. The blood, they also assure is, is “food safe.”

I’ve always said, nothing says “get out of my kitchen!” like a bloodstained knife.

With all those knives around, you know that, ah, accidents could happen. For the big “accidents,” I’d suggest good legal counsel. for the little ones, however, there are the Crime Scene Bandages:

For the Dad or grad who’s a Hitchcock fan, you can pay tribute to the famous scene that makes you think twice about bathing with the “Blood Bath” shower curtain and matching bath mat:

These sanguinary accesories may not guarantee that all your guests will come back..but it will assure you that the right ones will!

For inside the shower, there’s the Guns and Roses soap from Better Livng Through Design:

Make every kill a clean kill!

As for me…well, you know me. I ask for nothing. I give and give and never take. It’s the way I am. But if you insist…

So, what are you getting YOUR Dad or graduate for this most festive of seasons?

12 thoughts on “Murderati’s Gift List for Dads N’ Grads”

R.J. Mangahas June 10, 2009 at 1:19 pm

Hell, Dusty, I might get those things for myself. Your car, by the way, should be arriving soon (as sure as "the check’s in the mail)

As for the grad, my niece wants to be a screenwriter, so I gave her Alex’s blog address, with all those great writing tips. (Okay, I got her some gift cards and stuff too)

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Louise Ure June 10, 2009 at 2:27 pm

J.D. what a marvelous antithesis to yesterday’s blog topic!

Forget the gift-giving aspect; I want one of everything you showed.

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karen from metor June 10, 2009 at 2:45 pm

"I’ve always said, nothing says "get out of my kitchen!" like a bloodstained knife."

tee hee

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Karen in Ohio June 10, 2009 at 2:47 pm

All that bloody stuff would be great additions to my collection of Halloween decorations. Love it!

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Pari June 10, 2009 at 2:54 pm

Dusty,
I ordered the pen holder for my mighty stressed-out hubby. And your post reminded me to go to Despair, Inc and get him a couple of tee shirts as well.

Of course, I nearly had a fit when I thought Father’s Day was THIS Sunday!!!!!!

Me? I’d love the knife or bandages. (hint, hint, hint)

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Alexandra Sokoloff June 10, 2009 at 4:57 pm

I’ve lucked out this year – I’m going to be doing a signing at Dark Delicacies, the fantastic all-horror bookstore in Burbank, tomorrow night. There are no better twisted gifts to be had, and my Dad is a horror-phile. Can’t wait to browse!!

http://darkdel.com

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Chris Hamilton June 10, 2009 at 10:47 pm

Love the knife-holder. The shower curtain. All of it, really.

And how come Mothers’ Day is just for moms, but we have to share our day with graduates. They should get their own damn holiday.

Finally, if you took all the knives out of the knife holder except the very bottom one, it would be the Ricky Bobby knifeholder.

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Catherine Shipton June 10, 2009 at 11:01 pm

We don’t have Father’s day here till September, but in the mean time I know my eldest daughter would love Dead Fred. She works in the feedback department of a vitamin company. On the upside she says she gets to use her creative writing skills every day. It’s just wears a little thin having to frame replies some days. Last week a customer sent in a jar of what she claimed was spontaneously melted fish oil…instead it shows every indication of being dishwashing liquid.
Apparently the really crazy stuff gets passed onto the quality assurance department for testing.
I think there could be an interdepartmental tussle for Dead Fred’s thereupatic self.

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JT Ellison June 10, 2009 at 11:06 pm

Awesome items, Dusty!

I can’t say what I’m getting my Daddy because he reads the blog, but I did get it ordered today! So at least we know it will be there on time. That’s 99% of it, right?

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kit June 11, 2009 at 10:00 am

My daughter is a chef in New Orleans — so I automatically thought of the possibilities with the knives! HAH!

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Stephen Jay Schwartz June 11, 2009 at 4:23 pm

You friggin’ crack me up, Dusty!

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