by J.D. Rhoades
It’s that time of year again…the time when corporate America, half a year away from the Christmas bump, starts nudging you to spend some of your hard earned green on the father or graduate in your life. (Not that I’m complaining, mind you).
As we know, crime writers and dedicated crime readers sometimes have tastes that are, shall we say, a little different. So for that father or graduate in your life who’s also an aficionado of murder and mayhem, here are some gift ideas:
From SUCK UK comes Dead Fred: the pen holder. When those last few revisions or copyedits are made, take out your frustrations by plunging your favorte writing instrument into the heart (or other organs) of this little man made of “silicon rubber”. Pretend he’s that guy who wrote the nasty one-star Amazon review! From the people who brought you Splat Stan!
If your new graduate is moving out of the house (and ‘fess up, you’re praying that they are), they’re going to need some stuff for their new digs. For the kitchen, may I offer “The Ex” stainless steel knife set and holder from CSB:
A real conversation starter (or possibly stopper) for your next dinner party. Show the guests the cook is not to be trifled with!
Or perhaps, the Evidence Chef’s knife from Perpetual Kid:
“The perfect accessory to the crime,” promises the manufacturer. The blood, they also assure is, is “food safe.”
I’ve always said, nothing says “get out of my kitchen!” like a bloodstained knife.
With all those knives around, you know that, ah, accidents could happen. For the big “accidents,” I’d suggest good legal counsel. for the little ones, however, there are the Crime Scene Bandages:
For the Dad or grad who’s a Hitchcock fan, you can pay tribute to the famous scene that makes you think twice about bathing with the “Blood Bath” shower curtain and matching bath mat:
These sanguinary accesories may not guarantee that all your guests will come back..but it will assure you that the right ones will!
For inside the shower, there’s the Guns and Roses soap from Better Livng Through Design:
Make every kill a clean kill!
As for me…well, you know me. I ask for nothing. I give and give and never take. It’s the way I am. But if you insist…
So, what are you getting YOUR Dad or graduate for this most festive of seasons?