Let Me Take You To The Movies, Let Me Take You To the Show…

by J.D. Rhoades

It’s summer, and summer means big movies. A lot of us here at Murderati are big movie fans.Some have actually worked in show business. And some of us, to put it mildly, have really been through some bad stuff lately. I don’t know about you, but one of the things I can always count on to take my mind off the bad stuff for a little while is to zone out with a good movie. Or even a bad one.

Here, therefore, is one ‘Rati’s far from comprehensive list of what looks good, what looks bad, and what looks mockably ugly at the movie house this summer.

SEX AND THE CITY 2: I rather liked the HBO series when I first saw it, but by the time it stumbled to a close, I was getting weary of the characters, so I didn’t see the first movie. Nor do I plan to see the second. So why bring it up? Mostly because it gives me the chance to link to this review, which I regard as the Best. Review. Ever.

IRON MAN 2: If you liked the first one, you’ll like this one. I did. Unfortunately, still no Black Sabbath on the soundtrack, but they make do with AC/DC. Robert Downey Jr. is funny, the battle suits are still way cool, Scarlett Johanssen kicks serious ass, and Gwyneth Paltrow really looks like she could use a decent meal.

See what I mean?

WINTER’S BONE: Oh boy oh boy oh boy. I cannot wait for this movie. I don’t know anything about the director or any of the near-unknowns starring in it, but Daniel Woodrell’s book was as dark and brutal a slice of redneck noir as you’ll find anywhere. I definitely wouldn’t recommend it as a light and frothy date movie. Still.

THE KILLER INSIDE ME: Casey Affleck stars as Jim Thompson’s sociopathic sheriff Lou Ford. I didn’t think Affleck could pull off Patrick Kenzie in GONE BABY GONE, but damned if he didn’t do it, and I do love me some Jim Thompson. And it’s got Jessica Alba, apparently getting nekkid. So this one’s on my list.

PREDATORS: Why? Why does this this movie exist? What was wrong with the original (the only movie to star two future state governors) that someone felt it needed to be remade? Is there any way Adrian Brody can pull off deathless lines like “If eet bleeds, ve can kill eet” and “GET TO DA CHOPPAAAH!” with the same panache as the Governator? We think not.

GET HIM TO THE GREEK: Looks an awful lot like a rip-off of the 1982 film MY FAVORITE YEAR, another movie about a hapless underling trying to keep a wacked out, substance-abusing star together long enough to make the big show. Russell Brand plays the Peter O’Toole role in the update, and while Brand’s no O’Toole, he’s still pretty damn funny, as is Jonah Hill. A definite maybe.

JONAH HEX: Loved the comic. Love Josh Brolin. Love John Malkovich as a villain. Hate Megan Fox’s “ain’t ah just the sexiest thang” drawl in the previews. Giving this one a miss.

THE A-TEAM: Looks dumb. Probably is dumb. But that’s the point. Waiting for the reviews on this one. If I hear that it can pull off dumb with style, then I’ll check it out. Actually, I’ll probably just wait for the DVD.

THE EXPENDABLES: Sylvester Stallone directs a who’s who of action movie stars: Himself, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and–do my eyes deceive me?-Arnold Schwarzenegger his own bad self, in a shoot ’em up, blow-em-up, action movie about mercenaries trying to pull off a coup in a mythical South American country. How could this possibly go wrong? Well, plenty of ways actually. It could be a mess. It could also be the most brain-meltingly awesome movie ever. I have got to be there to find out.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE: No. Just no. And here’s why (clip NSFW):