If Only These Were Book Reviews

It started with a T-shirt.  The Three Wolf T-shirt.

Let me explain.

We all spend a lot of time here blathering on about writing our books and all the hard work that goes into it and the trials and tribulations of the publishing world. But a lot of us forget that books and newspapers and magazines — traditional media, in other words — are not the only place to find amazing writing.

Blogs are the obvious outlet for people who have not yet made the transition to traditional publishing (assuming they have any interest in it). There are thousands of blogs out there with some truly creative people writing them.

But today I discovered something I didn’t know existed. An outlet for writing — writing humor, in particular — that you wouldn’t normally think of when looking for a good laugh.

And it started with a T-shirt. For me, at least.

But not in the way you’re thinking. I’m not talking about T-shirt slogans. Certainly those, like bumper stickers, have been around for years and have been a great means of expression for some very funny people.

What I’m talking about are — get this —

Amazon product reviews.

Yes, you read that right.

Amazon product reviews.

Today, thanks to a link on a website, I had the great pleasure of reading some of the funniest damn stuff I’ve ever read in my life. Product reviews gone viral.

But rather than try to explain it to you, I’ll simply give you a few links and let you read for yourself.

First up, the T-shirt in question.  And this is one SPECIAL T-shirt.  Be sure to scroll down to the reviews:


I particularly like the one that by Chaon that says, “I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God.”

Which, of course, led me to Tuscan Whole Milk, which is a jackpot of comedy stylings:


My favorite review so far? By J. Fitsimmons, titled COMBINE WITH OTHER FOODS!:

“Has anyone else tried pouring this stuff over dry cereal? A-W-E-S-O-M-E!”

Then, finally, there’s Uranium Ore, which even has a review in the form of a poem:


I not only had a great time reading these — literally laughing out loud many times — I was really struck by a) the wonderful creativity that went into them; and b) how, in the age of the Internet, you never know where you’re going to strike gold.

All of this may be old news to some of you, but it’s certainly a surprise to me.  And I love it.  I can’t wait to read more.

I wish Amazon book reviewers were as entertaining.

So now that you’ve read some yourself, what are your favorites?  Which ones made you laugh out loud?

Or, if you know of some hilarious reviews for another product, please post a link so we can all have a laugh.

And yes, I know this is a silly blog topic.  My lovely wife thinks I should be talking more about Casting the Bones, my new website for aspiring writers, and telling everyone to come to RobertGregoryBrowne.com for a chance to win an iPod and other prizes (ending soon!), or mentioning how my new book, KILL HER AGAIN is out now in the UK and will be coming to the US late next month….

But I just felt like laughing today.  I hope you do, too.


12 thoughts on “If Only These Were Book Reviews

  1. ArkansasCyndi

    When do you have time to find this stuff? Personally, I loved that the 3 wolves shirt caused women to throw themselves at the wearer. But I howled (pun intended) at the person who wrote to defend the wolf and chastise the other reviewers for making fun of wolves.

  2. Bill Cameron

    My fave:
    I thought I’d save a little money on this product so I clicked on the ‘Order it used’ button. Boy, was that a mistake!

    When new, this product is just fine. When used, it’s almost undrinkable.

    So, if you’re in the market for Whole Milk, heed my advice, buy new.

  3. JT Ellison

    Laughter is the best medicine…

    I read some of the Tuscon reviews yesterday (hat tip to Bill Cameron) and cracked up. Some insanely creative people out there.

  4. Louise Ure

    Thank you, Rob, not only for the laugh, but for making me feel more au courant. I count on you to bring us these esoteric amuse bouches. Now I’m going to spend the rest of the day exporing them. Too funny. And far more creative than half the published writing going on out there.

  5. Sylvia

    Thank you for this laugh! I oversee the user-generated content (Forums, reviews, etc.) at Edmunds.com. I would love to see consumers write/submit some Car Reviews in the same manner. http://www.edmunds.com/apps/ratings/ratingsIndex.jsp?usein=n It would be a hoot!

    I can see it now… "As I turned the key to my 2009 ______, the car roared to life, reminding me of my past adventure while on African safari…"

  6. Craven

    Uh, what to say, but AWESOME. Laughed my recliner-candy off. There’s a lot of barely tapped talent out there. And I’ve only scratched the surface.

  7. Pari

    Great, great post today, Rob.


    Close to this, but a little to the side are the catalog descriptions at Archie McPhee. Silly copy selling silly products.

    The main website is fun but go to the catalog and look at some of the products.

    Here’s the one for glow in the dark plastic zombie dolls:


  8. Rob Gregory Browne



    Believe it not, Mr. Battles, I actually WANTED to write about this today. And my wife says she welcomes the laugh after all but one of the much needed Propositions failed in yesterday’s voting…

    And I SO look forward to tomorrow’s post……… 😉

  9. Nicole

    *Wiping tears from eyes* Wheeew – Thanks so much for that. Did you read the one with the Uranium Ore Mutant ants?!

    Better yet, did you see the discussions on the Uranium Ore? Read the CIA Watch list one.

    This product’s forum (5 discussions)
    This is a joke, right?

    If you liked this product, you’ll love bitter gourd pickles.

    Who comes up with these pages. seriously?

    Does this product put you on the CIA watch list?

    Low stock


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