I’m feeling frivolous. I hope frivolous doesn’t mind. Anyhoo, very few of you have met me, so you haven’t gotten to see or know me in all my splendor. To remedy this, I thought I’d share a few facts about me.
1. I wear mismatched socks. I don’t “bunny ear” the pairs together (who’s got time for that). Instead, I tug the first two socks I grab. My socks are usually of the cartoon variety, so I get away with the mismatch. I like to think of my socks as entertainment for my ankles.
2. I like being short and wish I was shorter. I’ve always been small. I’m used to being small. Small looks good on me. But at 5’-4”, I think I’m a tad too tall. It puts me in that tall-short category which is no place to be.
3. I find toilet humor damn funny. A good poo-poo joke will have me laughing like a drain.
4. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss racing cars. I raced single-seaters from ’90-’93. It remains the best and worst thing I ever did. The highs can never be matched, neither can the lows. It made me a tougher, stronger person.
5. If I could be any fictional hero, I would be Dr. Who. I’m a lifelong Dr. Who fan. I think he’s the greatest superhero ever created. I still hope that one day my parents will tell me I’m adopted and I’m really a Timelord. It could happen.
6. Most things scare me from heights to buying coffee in Starbucks. I see the worst in everything. If it’s going to go wrong, it’s going to wrong around me. I have a talent for disaster, so everything worries me a little. Add to that a wild imagination, and within a handful of seconds, I’ve foresee a dozen outcomes.
7. I’m short-tempered–it’s a height related thing. I have a short fuse. I like to laugh and joke and not take the world too seriously. If you ruin that for me, you’re going to hear about it.
8. I’m a bleeder, not a fighter. Pari has her brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. My fighting technique extends as far as the windmill.
9. Julie has longer legs than me. We’re about the same height, but if I have to get in a car after her, I have to scoot the seat forward. This amuses her.
10. I’m dyslexic and it took me 5 goes at spelling the word correctly. My reading age is grade 5 or 6, I think. Someone can read a book out loud faster than I can read a book with my eyes. This is a reason I listen to a lot of audio books.
11. I believe dessert isn’t food, but a way of life. Let them eat cake, that’s what I say.
12. I come from a massive family. Just going back two generations, my family is into triple-digits. We could have our own phone book. This contrasts heavily with Julie who only has one uncle and one cousin.
13. I am not the voice of the Geico gecko, although we are of similar height.
14. My favorite cereal is Special K. I know it’s a “lady’s” cereal, but I think it tastes good. When I was little I used to steal my cousin’s Special K before she got up in the mornings and hide it under a layer of cornflakes so she wouldn’t know. Sorry Hazel. One the plus side, I always fit into my jeans.
15. Despite being allergic to cats and dogs, I adopt defective animals from the pound. I have a longhaired dachshund that is allergic to people and about a dozen other things. I have one cat that can’t metabolize cat food, so I have to make my own. I have one cat with extremely long fingers and I do mean fingers. One cat insists on coming on walks with my dog. One cat is a dwarf because it was very sick during its developmental stage.
So there you haven’t it. I make as much as a VCR instruction manual. But these are the things that make me who I am and are the things have a tendency of working their way into my stories.
Now you know a little bit about me, let’s hear a bit about you. Give me a fun fact or two.
Oddly yours,
Simon Wood
PS: I have an article on short story writing in the December issue of Writer’s Digest.
My life includes:20 fish2 dogs (both from a rescue group)2 cats (both strays)9 exchange students in 12 years (if I can’t travel the world, I’ll bring the world to me)2 kids (that’s where all they gray hair came from)one DH of 21 years 🙂
I’m 5 ft 2 in.
I’ve been submitting my writing for publication for 10 months and my only credit so far is an “Honorable Mention” in the Fog City Writers contest.
I’m just a big tall geek who loves golf, football and books. My favorite thing in the whole world is to make my husband laugh. Oh, and apparently I have extremely loose ligaments, hence the surgical intervention every few years. Damn genes.
Great post, Simon., I heard you were the funniest person at Bouchercon, sly and witty.
I happen to know Simon owns a photo of the great Jim Clark.
Nice to meet you, Simon.
Fun facts:None of the clocks in my house or car have the same time on them . . . my fault. I don’t like someone else telling me what to do.
I can manipulate a tendon in my ankle so that it makes a really weird noise. This comes in handy when I’m bored.
Fun Facts:
I can paint my fingernails while driving.
I can drive a 40ft motorhome towing a Grand Cherokee and thread it through the worse orange barrel construction you can imagine.
I have a passion for eating hot popcorn and milk duds together.
I used to put potato chips in my PB&J sandwiches.
I make a mean Italian Martini
Oh Mr. Trivia Man!
I’m 5’6″ but think I’m taller.
I don’t like bathroom humor, but adore puns, especially those that translate across languages. (“hêtre ou ne pas hêtre” = “to beech or not to beech”)
I’m afraid of both crowds and clowns. At Bouchercons they can often both be found at the same time at the bar.
guyot, I’ve heard Simon is the love child of Jim Clark and a Time Lord. It explains so much.
Very entertaining, thanks Simon…
A few fun facts:
I’ve had quite a variety of jobs: waitress; bartender; short order cook; optician; funeral director.
My very favorite band in the whole world is Aerosmith, and I will travel across continents to see them in concert.
I love football, but I’m utterly annoyed by the NFL at the moment, so college football is my current sport. I also love to hate the BCS people, whoever they may be.
My timelord obession does cause a lot of problem with family back at Wayne Manor…
My birthday is on Leap Year day so I am really only 11 real birthdays old. 🙂
I’m with you on the race-car thing Simon – me too. Problem with open wheelers is, you can’t really bump-draft in them without things becoming nasty.
I’m often tempted to resume practice of said maneuver on the freeway…
You can bump and draft. More than once I rode with a life-size hood ornament…
First of all, I want a tattoo. I’m fifty-three and I think by getting one now, I will avoid the fading and stretching that someone who got it at 20 has to face. And no, wherever I get it is nunnaya business.
I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue.
I’ve watched Days Of Our Lives for 39 years now.
One of my Grandmothers way-way-way back was Eleanor of Aquitaine.
I have dreamed 4 times of people close to me right before I find out that they have passed away, just a few days before my dream.
And I am completely devoted to Sumo wrestling. My biggest fantasy trip would be to go to Japan and attend a 10 day Grand Basho with all the big named wrestlers participating. It’s so cool.
Okay, this has to be the weirdest blogpost I have ever read. In fact, I still haven’t decided whether to take it as fact or fiction.However, I will give you true weird facts about me.1) my hair is longer than one of my students is tall. (He’s a Little Person only a little over 3 feet tall, so that helps.)2) I have folkdanced for audiences as small as 6 members and as large as 17,000 (seated or 20,000 at a parade).3) I prefer to eat my sandwiches in a circle to keep the best part in the middle for last.Okay, are those weird enough for you?Oh, and I’m 5’8″ and wouldn’t mind being a bit taller.
PW, had to laugh, but I swear (and probably I shouldn’t admit it!) every word of mine is absolute truth. So, does that make interesting or just plain freaking weird?
Simon — Just wanted to say I’ve been a closet Dr. Who fan ever since I ran across it on the SciFi channel last year! None of my friends or family get it. The season finale was last Friday and I’m already having withdrawls!
I’ve watched every episode and can almost watch it without the subtitles on and still understand most of what they are saying 😉
Shannon, please come out of the closet…
Also thanks to everyone for making me feel normal.