Dear God… (the stick turned blue)

by Toni McGee Causey


Dear God, Universe, or Elves (I am covering all bases, I cannot afford to be picky here):

The stick turned blue. I’m 19. And a half. The stick turned blue. I think my brains just leaked out of my ears because THE STICK TURNED BLUE. It cannot turn blue. I only had sex once. Okay, maybe twice. That’s in base 200. Or something. (Shut up, I am an English major, we’re not expected to know higher math.)

Is this like… trial-sies? Practice run? Just to see how good my adrenal system works because let me reassure you right now, IT WORKS JUST FINE, though I think my neighbors might need a hearing aid after all the shrieking died down.

Signed,
Seriously, you’re kidding, right?

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

This is pregnant? This can’t stand to move morning sickness bloated pasty can’t fit into anything anymore look like a whale and where the hell is my GLOWY feeling? What? Were you out of Deep Fried Crazy Hot for the highs this summer and thought you’d just go ahead and substitute Miserable Seventh Level Of Hades and thought I wouldn’t notice?

Signed,

So very not happy with you right now.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

It’s a boy. Two-and-a-half weeks overdue. GET HIM OUT GET HIM OUT GET HIM OUT GET HIM OUT GET HIM OUT.

Signed,

Hate you and your shoes.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

HE CAN STAY IN, I swear, I will shut up, forever, please do not make me have to OHMYGODTHATHURT. If I die and there is a heaven, I am bringing a LEAD BASKETBALL and you’d better not bend over.

Signed,

Never having sex again, ever.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

Wow. I just… wow. He’s perfect. Unbelievably perfect. And just… wow. Who knew?

Signed,

Okay, you’re forgiven.

 

Dear God, Universe, Or Elves:

Oh, damn. How am I supposed to know what to do? How am I not going to break him? I don’t know enough. Maybe when I’m forty. Or fifty. Maybe. I am so going to screw this up.

Signed,

What the hell were you thinking, trusting me?

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

Um, I hate to mention this, but there is one SERIOUS flaw in your design here. WHERE IS THE OFF SWITCH? I’d like to be able to shower, five minutes. Five. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Signed,

So bringing my stinky self to your doorstep in about three seconds if you don’t FIX THIS.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

My husband came home and heard me arguing with our two-year-old and took me aside and said, “You’re the adult. You have to outsmart him.”

The sad thing is, I’M TRYING TO.

Signed,

Send brains. Quick.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

Okay, I get the whole “have sex, can get pregnant” thing, you can’t fool me. And okay, I’m not wholly surprised that I look like I ate an entire football stadium, but they just told me they expect this one to be over nine pounds. NINE. That’s like giving birth to a TWO MONTH OLD. WITH TEETH. Why not just go ahead and shoehorn in a COLLEGE GRADUATE while you’re at it. Maybe you’ve got a couple of missing OCEAN LINERS from the Bermuda triangle you don’t know what to do with; you can just SHOVE THEM IN MY UTERUS, I DON’T MIND.

Signed,

I hope your hair falls out.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

That was really freaking EVIL of you, playing that “cutest kid on the planet” card, twice in a row. It gets easy after this, right?

Signed,

Delirious.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

Look, I know you’re really busy with all that famine and war and mythical alternate universe of Reaganomics and Wham!, but if you could just take a couple of seconds out of your busy schedule? Because my kids are infected with the HE’S TOUCHING ME HE’S LOOKING AT MY STUFF OH WOE!!!! disease. How much trouble will I be in if I duct tape them together?

Signed,

Duct Tape On Sale Now

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

He’s never going to forgive me for wrapping him in multiple rolls of aluminum foil to turn him into the Tin Man for Halloween, is he? Or the eighteen blocks I made him walk (while re-wrapping him) because we were going to trick-or-treat and we were going to BY GOD HAVE FUN, DAMMIT. I’m still going to hear about this when he’s twenty-five, aren’t I?

Signed,

Seriously thought about tying the bathroom rug around him for “lion fur”–he doesn’t know how lucky he is.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

They are sticking a needle in my four-year-old’s back. A needle. They are holding him down in the other room, and he is screaming. They made me leave, because he was lunging for me and he’s supposed to be absolutely still.

I just sat across from one of my childhood friends. She’s our pediatrician now, and one of the smartest people on the planet. We made mud pies together when we were five and six years old. We even managed to sell them (well, she did, she is that smart).

I never dreamed I would be sitting across from her one day and that she would have to say, “meningitis.” That the words “risks” and “death” and “possible brain damage” and “spinal tap” and “could paralyze him” would float, jumbled, over the space between us, that we’d ever talk about the fact that she had to stick a needle in my son’s back. A pediatric emergency.

She is sending me to the ER. I’m carrying him (passed out), while my oldest son is clutching his brother’s spinal fluids in some sort of glass flask, and I’m supposed to drive to the ER, because we do not have time for an ambulance.

She said to try not to stop for red lights. I CANNOT BREATHE right now, and there is no oxygen going to my brain and I CANNOT STOP FOR RED LIGHTS.

I don’t care what it takes, do it to me, not him. I will give you anything. I will give you everything. Just do not do this.

Signed,

begging.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

Four days later, and his brother and he are making a slide out of the hospital bed’s mattress.

It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Signed,

thank you.

(your hair grew back in nicely, by the way)

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

The oldest is fifteen, and in this state, he can legally drive. HAVE YOU FREAKING LOST CONTROL OF THE UNIVERSE, OR WHAT? How in the world am I supposed to let him drive? I can barely keep from hurling myself in his path to keep him safe while he’s WALKING AROUND, BREATHING AIR, dammit. I have tried to remember that they are supposed to grow up to be independent, strong men. I have tried to remember to reinforce their decision-making skills. But this is just asking TOO DAMNED MUCH. It’s too soon.

Signed,

Where is the time machine? 

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

ANY PHONE CALL THAT STARTS WITH “Mom, I’m okay, DON’T WORRY,” is NOT GOING TO BE GOOD, I don’t care HOW earnest you make them sound.

Signed,

Like I am that easily fooled. Ha.

 

Dear God, Universe, or Elves:

I sat on the floor in the hallway today where I could see into the door of each of their rooms. They are empty, now, of boy stuff. One is an exercise room, and one a guest bedroom.

I did not break them. I screwed up. A lot, sometimes. I got self absorbed and busy and short tempered. I lost confidence and lost my way, but I did not break them. I remember the smiles, the laughter, the tooth fairy, the Christmas mornings, the late night talks. There were baseball games, wrestling tournaments, graduations and hysterically funny meals. I remember tears and heartache and not knowing if just loving them more than breathing was going to be enough. I remember too many close calls where it seemed like it might not be. But they are funny and smart and good hearted men. They have (mostly) outgrown the HE’S TOUCHING ME HE’S LOOKING AT MY STUFF OH WOE!!!! disease, and so get along pretty amazingly well. They make me laugh and surprise me and are fascinating people. They are kind. They treat people well, and they not only love deeply, but they are loved deeply in return. They are both the kind of men who, if I just met them somewhere, I’d like them tremendously. They have started families. Wonderful women I’m so lucky to have in our family. A granddaughter (the most beautiful, happy baby in the world).

You did not tell me when you gave me that blue stick that you were giving me my heart. You did not tell me that you were giving me everything that mattered.

Dear God, the stick turned blue.

THANK YOU.

Signed,

toni, a mom.

~*~

CONTEST: just stop in and say HI or wish someone a happy mother’s day (your mom, someone else’s, doesn’t matter) OR tell me what did you do to drive your mother batty?

Remember, it’s CONTEST MONTH — every commenter on today’s post will be eligible for a signed copy of BOBBIE FAYE’S VERY (very, very, very) BAD DAY as well as a hot-off-the-press, not available in the stores ’til the end of the month BOBBIE FAYE’S (kinda, sorta, not exactly) FAMILY JEWELS. Winner from this week to be announced on next Sunday’s blog.

WINNER FROM LAST WEEK — Angelle! (wow, you ALL were SO FREAKING AMAZING) — thank you for all of the comments. I put all of the names in a hat and my neighbor got conscripted to choose. So Angelle, email me at toni [dot] causey [at] gmail [dot] com with your address and I’ll get your signed copies mailed out to you this week!

 

90 thoughts on “Dear God… (the stick turned blue)

  1. Natalie M. Roberts aka Natalie

    Wow, Toni, so you went and made me cry. I went through the needle in the back thing with my oldest, too, and the whole “you know your child has spinal meningitis, right?”

    Parenting is hard. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Ever.

    Beautiful blog. And funny, too.

    Natalie

    Reply
  2. Debra Guyette

    Wow, that was great. I did not go through the menigitis thing but I had a child who needed about 4 surgeries. It is just as bad.

    Reply
  3. Becky Hutchison

    Great blog, Toni! I didn’t go through the menigitis scare either, but my son was in the hospital four times with asthma. He’s 17 now, and with shots, has outgrown the worst of it. I still worry though and tend to overprotect him, but he’s a sweet kid and I think his dad & I have done a pretty good job raising him.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all!

    Reply
  4. Catherine

    Can totally relate to the young mum thing…though remember being determined that if anyone was going to win a bout between either of my daughters at 2 and me…it HAD to be me. Because if I couldn’t manage a battle with a 2 year old I had a really bad feeling about the teen years.

    We all survived the teen years. A few stiches, and concussions through childhood.Tonsils out when one was almost 21, which in some ways was plenty scary still. Thank goodness no meningitis. Feel for all that can relate to that.

    My girls have grown up in a combination new age yet sometimes deeply conservative, friendly community. So they would bypass ‘she’s looking at me’, to ‘Mum she’s touching my aura, make her stop.’ Cracked me up every time I’d have to say ‘stop messing with your sister’s aura.’

    I’m at the tail end of Mother’s Day here in Australia. Had a great day. Wishing all you Northern Moms all the best.

    Reply
  5. Grandma Helen

    Thanks for a great Mother’s Day read. I will be having my special Mother’s Day treat later this week when my daughter takes me on a 2 day trip to complete two items on my bucket list – riding on a double decker carousel and visiting the Hershey Museum to see the Apostalic Clock!!

    Happy Mother’s (Grandmother’s) Day to all of you out there in cyberspace.

    Reply
  6. Michale

    Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere and especially my husband’s nieces who have geven me a chance to be a surrogate grandmother!

    Michale

    Reply
  7. Roxanne St. Claire

    Toni, what a perfect way to start Mother’s Day. Thank you. I have a fifteen year old boy who started to drive last week, and I could relate to everything you wrote. Beautiful and hysterical! Happiest of Mother’s Days to you!

    Rocki

    Reply
  8. Faye Hughes

    Great post, Toni! (And thanks to CJ for the tip that I should drop by this morning!)

    I wish you and all the other moms out there a Happy Mother’s Day!

    ~Faye

    Reply
  9. billie

    Wow – great post! Happy Mother’s Day!

    A little anecdote about my son, who introduced me early to motherhood. He is now 13. When I was pregnant with him that AFP test thing came back wonky, so my doctor suggested I get an amnio. I am terrified of needles. She swore she would be careful. I would never have to see the thing. They turned the monitor away, put up a shield of newspaper in front of my face, but they forgot, as did I, that my HUSBAND could see it and I could totally read his pie-plate sized eyes when she pulled that needle out. She convinced me to go through with it anyway. I have to say, it didn’t hurt, but the pain is not what my phobia is about, it’s more the idea that the needle is in me. So I was still as a statue but freaking out and asking her every second “how much longer, how much longer?” She had been very reassuring all along but suddenly she got quiet. I asked again, HOW MUCH LONGER? She said, “I’m not sure – your baby has grabbed hold of the needle and he’s not letting go.” He held it for what seemed like at eternity and this is entirely descriptive of his personality – he is now an active member of the National Youth Rights Association, LOL.

    Reply
  10. Lori G. Armstrong

    You jerk, you had to make me go and cry first thing. It’s amazing how we get through it all. My 18 yr old graduates in 3 weeks and I never dreamed when I looked at that red faced screaming little thing the first time, terrified out of my mind, that she’d be the joy of my life. She and her sisters (ages 16 and 12)make me proud to be their mother.

    What a lovely, wonderful post.

    Reply
  11. Donna

    Oh yeah. Having been a very young mom myself, I know how it goes. Now we are in the teen years, Lord help me. My son is 18 and my two daughters are 17 and 16. I guess this is practice for when my 8 year old son hits the teens. Maybe by then, I will have this thing down, lol.

    Reply
  12. Kathy Sweeney

    Oh, Toni!

    This is one of the most wonderful Mothers’ Day pieces I’ve ever read.

    You need to publish this so more people have a chance to read it. Seriously.

    Thank you so much for sharing it with all of us – Happy Mothers’ Day!

    xo

    Reply
  13. LaDonna

    Toni, I just loved this! I survived my two daughter’s growing up, and now fret over our five, angel grandkids! So glad your story turned out well. Children are miracles, that’s for sure!

    Reply
  14. Linda Warren

    Wow! What a touching, funny Mother’s Day post. I even had a tear in my eye. Just wonderful.My mom, my number one supporter, passed away in 2000 and I really miss her today. Thanks, Toni, for making me smile.Happy Mother’s Day.

    Reply
  15. Karen Olson

    What a great tribute to your children and being a mom!

    I’m one of those OLD MOTHERS. I waited and waited for the stick to turn blue, but it didn’t. Blood tests and being poked and prodded by doctors for a year showed that the stick would never turn blue.

    My path to motherhood went down the road of social workers, loads of paperwork, a year of even more waiting, and finally a long, trying trip to China.

    My daughter had turned a year old two weeks before we arrived. She weighed 15 pounds and wasn’t even crawling. She didn’t smile for three days and we worried she never would.

    She’s 11 now, 10 years since we brought her home. She’s beautiful, talented, and smart, and is right this moment making me waffles for breakfast.

    Sticks don’t need to turn blue to be a mom.

    HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL!!

    Reply
  16. Laura (in PA)

    Damn you, Toni – I’m in tears. What a wonderful tribute to mothers. My only child is 19, and just got home from her first year of college. She handled it like a champ, and made me proud. And since she knows her Mom, she gave me Judi Dench on DVD and espresso chocolate from Starbucks. πŸ™‚

    Hugs to all the Moms today.

    Laura

    Reply
  17. lynn

    from the bottom of my heart “thank you” and “Happy Mother’s Day” to my dear Mom who passed away ……….too long ago!and Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mother’s all over the world who are still alive with kids who don’t understand them!Lynn

    Reply
  18. JT Ellison

    Oh, Toni — you especially know how much this one made me cry. Absolutely beautiful. Happy Mother’s Day, to you and to all the moms reading this today.

    Reply
  19. Pari Noskin Taichert

    You nailed it, Toni. Nailed it.

    Thank you.

    This morning, both of my daughters came into my bed, separately, for snuggle time.

    Then it was breakfast in bed courtesy of the kids and Dad. Got a glorious hand-made card with coupons for chores.

    This day is starting out splendidly.

    Of course, I thank God, The Universe, Elves, everyday that I have children.

    They’ve taught me to truly love.

    Reply
  20. Terri Molina

    Oh My Gosh Toni, I just ADORE you! This blog was the most fun I’ve read in a long time! And so *spot* on.

    Raising kids is scary when you’re young and you hope that with each child born, you do a better job (because everyone knows your first kid is for practice)

    I lost my parents when I was young, so no chance to drive them batty. But, my kids are doing it enough to me.

    Child one (who’s turning 21 in October) can’t seem to decide what he wants to do with his life and can’t see to find a girlfriend within his area code much less time zone! So my phone bills are more than my car note!

    Child two (who’s handicapped) wants to be *normal* so the first time I let her be *normal* and hang out with friends after school, she falls and cracks her kneecap.

    Child three (age 14) likes to think she’s the *good* one…but she’s a mini-me, so we know that ain’t true…haha…her batty move–she pierced her lip!! (without permission…but dammit, it’s hard to be mad at her because it looks good!) >:-/

    Child four–at the age of 12–is still as adorable (at times) as he was when he was born. So far, aside from being ADHD, he hasn’t done anything to make me want to return him for a better model.

    All that aside, like you, I’m so proud of my children and look forward to the day (although very very far in the future) to playing with their children. (child three wants triplets…hah!)

    Reply
  21. Tom

    I second J.D. and Kathy’s comments – very beautiful, and more people need to see this than will ever visit Murderati.

    Reply
  22. toni mcgee causey

    Wow. You all… just. Wow. Thank you so much for the comments and kind words and emails. You people really rock.

    And I echo Louise: Happy Mother’s Day to every mother on every journey to get there.

    Reply
  23. Allison Brennan

    You made me laugh and cry. I’m at the point between “When are they moving out I need some peace and quiet!” and “Why did you have to make them so cute when I really, really want to sternly tell them the chandelier over the dining room table is NOT a vine and they are NOT Jane and Tarzan?”

    Reply
  24. Kaye

    Oh Toni.This was beautiful.Thank you.and here I thought it was Ken’s job to make me cry here.Kaye

    Reply
  25. Kate Douglas

    Only a mom could write that post, and only a mom will truly appreciate it. Thank you so much for a literal walk down memory lane.Kate, gramma of four with one on the way!

    Reply
  26. ArkansasCyndi

    Toni – that was FREAKING amazing. If there are typos in the message, it’s all your fault. It’s hard to see through the tears.

    THANK YOU for such a touching tribute to motherhood.

    Reply
  27. Shane Gericke

    Toni, this is one of the most exquisite pieces of writing I’ve ever seen. I’m not a parent and it’s cool beyond belief. You should seriously think about expanding it into a book–I think it would sell really well. Thanks for brightening everyone’s day.

    Shane

    Reply
  28. Pammy D

    Ohh.

    Very sweet, Toni. And you’re right to include the Elves in the Salutation.

    I always call my Mom on my birthday, and wish her Happy Mother’s Day. ‘Cause she basically did all the work. Then, like an annual story-telling tradition (Christmas, Passover, Mom tells me the story/saga of everything that happened when I was born.

    It’s very cute.

    Reply
  29. Nancy Haddock

    Toni!

    I laughed. I cried. Laughed again. Cried again. FABulous post, and the best piece I’ve read in years. Thank you!

    The outsmarting the child thing? When my daughter was 3, she talked me out of giving away her Sew Easy (that was broken) because it would be broken for the poor kids, too. Nothing like a a child’s logic.

    Happy Mother’s Day!

    Light,Nancy Haddock

    Reply
  30. Carol

    That was so beautiful! I have tears in my eyes. I’ve been through it all and I feel the same way you do! Right now I’m the grandmother of seven. All babies are beautiful!

    Reply
  31. Rita Sheppard

    Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers!

    I got the best Mother’s Day gift — my son who’s stationed overseas called me this morning to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and tell me how much he appreciates me. You gotta love ’em!

    Reply
  32. Carol Crigger

    I remember being a young mother. Now I’m an old mother–but a young grandmother. Happy Mother’s day to the mother of my grands.

    Reply
  33. caryn

    My youngest called today…said “Happy Mother’s Day, Is Andy (our older son) there? Can I talk to him?” This from the mother of my only grandchild. Somehow, I expected more.

    Reply
  34. Karen Dyer

    Hi! What fun to read The Stick!

    I am the mother of seven boys. The youngest are 30-year-old twins. I have six daughters-in-law and almost a dozen grandchildren (one’s on the way).

    Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms, whether of kids or furkids!

    I never did anything to drive my mother crazy–on Mother’s Day or any other day. I was a Very Good Girl. There’s no one around to contradict me so that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

    I’ve had a terrific Mother’s Day! By the way, I only had one pregnancy! –Karen Dyer

    Reply
  35. Shirley

    Loved your blog about Mothers. The best part of my Mother’s Day was listening to my granddaughter give my daughter the kind of sass she used to give me. I told her she would understand some day!!

    Shirley

    Reply
  36. Ashley McConnell

    Happy Mom’s Day, Toni! Julie’s been telling me to say Hi forever, and seeing you on DL gave me the necessary kick in the pants to tell you how much I enjoy Bobbi Faye.

    And this is such a wonderful blog. I hope my mother felt that way about me (well, some of that way!) once in a while!

    Reply
  37. Lisa Richardson

    Hi Toni,

    I’m a DL’er, and dropped by to read your blog, and damn if you didn’t make me laugh by butt off and end up crying! Something about those little wrinkled toes and fingers and that tiny nose grabs your heart and never lets go. No matter how grown up they get. I’m 47 and have a beautiful 6 year old grandson now, and of course, time is once again passing much too fast. I look at pictures of my babies, and it’s not hard to be right back in those moments again. Almost makes you want to keep having them….even when you know better!!

    Take care, Lisa

    Reply
  38. Pat Reid

    Wonderful post. I had a great Mother’s Day and feel very lucky to be a mother. My first girl weighed two pounds at birth and stayed in the hospital almost three months. The second was a whooping four pounds and got to come home right away.

    My first hasn’t been early to anything since except her birth.

    Reply
  39. P.J. Coldren

    While I enjoyed the blog, it reminds me yet again that I am one of those very few women (at least that I know) who was out buying shoes, or books, or something when they were passing out that biological clock . . . and I was EXTREMELY lucky at playing sexual roulette in my twenties. I’ve never wanted children. I’ve (step)mothered one for 7 years, took care of my mentally challenged (is that PC enough today?) older sister for 20+ years, and was basically the oldest of 5 when my mother died at 36. I may not have birthed no babies, but I’ve done my time. It was a wonderful and touching piece. Thank you.

    Reply
  40. J.B. Thompson

    Toni, girlfriend, you’re right – this is probably the best post you’ve ever done. We had the meningitis scare (too recently, as a matter of fact) as well, and nothing makes a mom’s blood run cold more than to hear the words “possible death” when someone’s talking about her child. Praise God the tests came back negative (for all).

    I’m going to send this to my nephew to share with his girlfriend (they just found out they’re pregnant) so she’ll understand just how amazing her life is about to become.

    Thank you so, so much for this – what an awesome Mother’s Day piece. Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there.

    Reply
  41. Squenn

    Hi Toni! It is Jenn from RT. First things first, that was an amazing blog. Laugh out loud funny, and wipe the tears beautiful. It sounds like it was, and is still, an amazing journey. I personally am not a mother, but I am blessed with four of the best nieces and nephews in the entire world. They all buy me Mother’s Day cards, godmother of course, but it is still very special. On a sad note, this is my mother’s first mothers day since my brother passed away. It has been a trying day. You try to keep her spirits up, but it is always there. We all miss him so much that some days are extremely tough. Today was one of those days. Even though she probably will not see this, Happy Mothers Day Mom, you are the best mom on the planet.

    Happy Mothers day to all the moms and of course to you Toni!Jenn (Squenn)

    Reply
  42. Fran

    Oh my, Toni! As Truvy says, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.”

    We have two boys between us, Lillian and I, and today was hard because they’re both off, happy in their own apartments in another town. And we’re happy that they’re happy, but darn it!

    Good times: At age 2, Ryan threw a dozen eggs on the kitchen floor and then grabbed Lillian and said, “Look, Mommy, flowers!” And they were!

    At 14, Ty kicked me out of the house and cleaned it, top to bottom, for my birthday. Unprompted.

    Bad times: Surgery on any kid. Ryan’s feet, Ty’s arm. “Mom, why does it have to hurt so much?” shreds your heart no matter what.

    They’re 25 and 18 respectively, and at times I still can’t breathe, I love them so much. And our soon-to-be daughter-in-law, who is perfect for our family is the perfect complement.

    Happy Mother’s Day to each and every one of you who nurtures, male or female, kids or furrballs, we’re all the Mom at one time or another.

    Reply
  43. patry francis

    Oh, Toni, this is so beautiful and true. I was nineteen when the stick turned blue, too; and when I took my son home from the hospital, I let him sweat for a whole hour before I dared to remove his sweater. Why? Well, you KNOW the reason. I was sure I was gonna break that tiny arm. If only we’d known how resilient they are–or how resilient we are. Happy Mothers’ Day!

    Reply
  44. FamFatale

    I can so relate to the pains, panic, and paradise of motherhood. And now, would you believe Grandmotherhood !! So much more fun, you get to hand them back when they are cranky, wet, sticky, and especially poopy !! You get to spoil them too !

    Reply
  45. Shannon

    Sending a big happy Mother’s day to my father who was the only mother I had (aside from my grandmother) for most of my childhood and into my adulthood.

    Unfortunately, because of the way my mother died (in childbirth but with a sibling, not me) I chose not to have children so I can read and enjoy this posting, but never truly understand.

    But I did serve as a videographer for the birth of my best friend’s second child and I remember just before she had her epidural she grabbed my hand and said through clenched teeth, “Whatever you do…adopt!” Of course, an hour later the baby was here and all was fine again in the universe.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all!

    Reply
  46. Angie Martin

    What a wonderful post! Made me smile, laugh and cry… ok, still sniffling here.

    Happy Mother’s Day!

    Angie.

    Reply
  47. Laura

    Wow, I can remember the STOP TOUCHING ME parts. You went through the needle in the spine, I went through the playing in the wood pile with an axe and the DH taking the chopper to the bigger hospital and my Dad driving me there over two hours away.With only half a thumb, he can still make me nuts and play video games better than I can. (even a five year old can).

    Watching my daughter giving birth to my first grandchild is something I would tell everyone to do. You are not going through the pain, but you remember. I was amazed at how strong she was, and how determined to get that boy out! All with no drugs!

    Happy belated Mother’s Day to All!

    Reply
  48. Laurie Wood

    I came a day late to the party, as I just got CJ’s message with my Digest now. I cried and laughed all the way down the post. You really should try and get it published for Mother’s Day next year, in a woman’s mag or your newspaper! We didn’t have a meningitis scare, but both my kids have been in and out of hospitals all their lives with various illnesses and surgeries. I’m an adoptive mom too, and Linda Warren’s right – the stick doesn’t always have to turn blue! They quickly become “the children of our hearts”. I wouldn’t trade mine for a million bucks! (and I’ve got a lb of Laura Secord chocolate to prove it, )

    Reply
  49. jenny gardiner

    Okay, Toni, I am SO not talking to you because YOU MADE ME CRY!!! And my first-born is graduating in a few week and I have VOWED that NOTHING but NOTHING will make me cry. I will not think about ANYTHING that will suggest wistful, I will focus on that which is in front of my face.So you didn’t do me any favors by making me cry.Thanks πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  50. Beverly

    Toni,

    This touched my heart just like you intended. It made me remember all those exact memories[x 6] and even more.This made me go to each of my kids and tell them how glad I am that they were mine.Isn’t that the point of Mother’s Day? It is for me. I couldn’t be one with out them. Thanks for reminding that even with the challenges, it’s great to be a Mom.

    Reply
  51. Lara Lee

    I’m a day late, just found this blog post today. I’m so glad I did. Your words touched my heart, made me laugh and cry. My daughter is 21 now and I have a 2 year old granddaughter. Life is good!

    Thank you, Toni!

    Reply
  52. Barb Goffman

    Thanks for the wonderful post, Toni. As mom to an eight-year-old dog who came in last night so muddy he looked brown (though he’s actually blonde) resulting in a late-night bath (which is always SO much fun), I feel I can relate, even though my offspring is furry. Happy belated mother’s day.

    Reply
  53. Rachel

    Toni, thank you so much for the fabulous story!

    My 20-year-old stepson of 17 years left a phone message for me yesterday, sounding like a sulky five-year-old (the other day I asked him to come over and clean up the toxic spill he had left in the garage.)In fact, he was so sulky he didn’t even leave the message for me. He said, in a completely flat voice like he’d just got out of bed with a hangover and his mom was holding a gun to his head, “Hey guys, happy mother’s day.”

    I was very upset. I went to the gym. I even washed the car.I got over it. Or so I thought until I read your blog and you really put it all in perspective for me. I laughed, I cried, I am SO over it now.

    Thanks!

    Rachel

    Reply
  54. Jaci Burton

    Toni, I raised two sons and I now have a gorgeous granddaughter, so this is absolutely perfect and brought tears to my eyes. Beautifully written. Thank you!

    Reply
  55. Mary Ann/ca

    Oh thank you…I do remember being 19 and 22 with blue sticks and lots of fears and tears along with the joy. And then finally one last unexpected (read unplanned!) blue stick at 32 which I thought would really mess up my life, instead all three are the greatest of friends and the joy of my life…along with my 7 week old granddaughter!

    Reply
  56. Amy

    There isn’t enough room on the entire internet to tell you what I used to do to drive my mom batty….

    Thanks for that wonderful look at motherhood.

    Reply
  57. Joyce

    I am fortunate to be the Mother of 2 wonderful children and 2 step children and the Grandmother of six. Happy belated Mother’s Day to all. I lost my Mom to cancer just before Christmas this past year, so this was my first Mother’s Day without her. A sad day, but I placed pink roses on her grave and wished her “Happy Mother’s Day Mom”.

    Reply
  58. Marlyn

    Ya know, Toni, I have two step-kids. That’s what they are, technically. And I didn’t get them till they were 18 and 21.

    Yet, I cried.

    (PS, yes, I got VERY special Mother’s Day wishes from both of them yesterday.)

    Reply
  59. Jane

    Having read your blog, I now need to find your books. Thanks for a few minutes of enjoyment in a rather rough day.

    Reply
  60. Karla Schexnayder

    Hi Toni,Thanks for the tears that occurred while reading and remembering. I spent Mother’s Day traveling to Boston with Ashley. She is now a patient at the Boston Foundation for Sight, where they have a innovative prosthetic device for the eyes that has been hugely successful in reducing the pain and restoring vision in patients like Ashley. We both can’t wait to read the new book and hope that you will return to the Jefferson Parish Library. Take care and hope to see you soon.Karla

    Reply
  61. Janice Doxtator

    I just found out I am going to be a grandmother for the first time at the grand old age of 63. Is there a stick for grandmotherhood? I got to see the sprog on the ultrasound. Cutest baby ever, of course.All the comments on DorothyL about Bobbie Faye have convinced me that I need to read those books!Thanks,Janice

    Reply
  62. Julie Bromley

    What a wonderful read! Count me as one of the blubbering women who were reduced to tears amidst much laughter. Not being a parent, I can only imagine the sheer terror one must feel when a little one is seriously ill.

    I know that I must have put my grandmother who was my primary caretaker, through much the same kind of fear. When I was seven, I was leaning against the rear passenger car door while we were driving down a West Texas highway. The door came open and out I went. I spent 8 days in a coma with a head injury. Luckily, I survived without any lasting damage, although I’m sure some of my family seriously question that statement. They all tell me I’ve never been normal.

    I enjoy your blog tremendously. Thanks for sharing part of your life with us.

    Reply
  63. Elen Grey

    CJ sent me over here. Now, I have to go thank her. First, I laughed until my eyes ran; then, I cried until my nose ran. Now, I have to go buy your books. I’d say drat, but I’m really looking forward to reading them. Terrific post. Much cheer.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *