Oh, so many thoughts, so many ideas. I wanted this to be a profound last post. Instead, let me tell you a little story:
Last week I had an early morning dream. Someone asked me for my health insurance card and I couldn’t find it. Panic-stricken, I emptied all the plastic cards out of my wallet. Each one — credit, tea club, sandwich, vitamin, the kids’ insurance, gas — spilled out onto the table, but none had any writing on them. Instead all were an unattractive gray with nothing to distinguish them from each other . . .
I woke up knowing that the dream meant something important. On the surface, it was easy to decipher. The health insurance card represented my last true financial tie to my husband. From a purely self-protective stance, I’d decided not to proceed with the divorce because I didn’t want to be without coverage in case, God forbid, the results from colonoscopy/biopsied polyps had been bad. Last Wednesday night, I found out that the polyps were benign. Thursday morning, I had the dream.
The gray cards offered a transparent interpretation as well. With the divorce and with Murderati’s end, my identity seems unwritten again, a blurry future. You’d think that’d be scary, worrisome. So why didn’t I wake up from the dream with any sense of sorrow or fear? Why did I awake with wonder and determination? I think it’s because as long as I’m alive, I can look forward with chosen hope. That’s what I’m doing today as I say goodbye to this forum. Choosing hope.
This April many things have been said. Our regular readers have learned about some of the struggles we’ve faced as bloggers, writers, and human beings. Some. We’ve all shared what we could, how we could.
For more than seven years, this group blog has been a big part of my life. I can’t believe the time has come to really say goodbye to it. JT has been here since the beginning; without her help (and Randy’s too!) Murderati would’ve never been born. Alex has been here since almost the beginning as well. She is another hero who has dedicated so much time to the effort. Other writers have come and gone, gracing our blog with their stellar prose and unique perspectives. We’ve argued, taught, explored, cried, laughed . . .
When I first started thinking about a group blog, I did it because of the conventional wisdom at the time. Writers needed PR to sell their work. Group blogs were a great way to do it and to cross-pollinate — to find more readers who’d take a chance on lesser-known authors like me — so I pushed and invited and then we assembled the first seven writers to make Murderati a reality. In the process of opening our worlds with you, an astounding community blossomed.
And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Most people I know, at the base of their beings, want to feel true connection with others. Murderati has been that connection for me, for all of us.
Thank you for sharing the precious gift of your time and voices with us. May your lives be filled with joy and wonder.
May our paths cross many times more.
Many of the ‘Rati will be posting discussions on a new board: http://murderati.proboards.com
I’ll check out that message board format after my current family emergency settles down. I do plan to keep writing blogs somewhere, probably on Mondays — probably weekly — since I’m in the habit now. Please, if you want to stay in touch, find me on Facebook, check out my frequent gratitudes there, or look up my name online to find me in my next authorial incarnation.
Bless you all and thank you,
Thank you so much for creating this space, Pari. I've learned so much here and met so many wonderful people.
Your Monday posts have kept me thinking about balance and inspiration and the sources of creativity (and how to refill them). Because of you, I've made adjustments, some minute, some major, to my writing life.
Thank you so, so much.
I wouldn't be nearly the writer I am without you guys and everything I've learned here these last few years. For pushing to make this site a reality, and for all the wisdom you and the other 'rati have passed down, thank you. More than anything else, thank you.
Be well, best wishes, and be seeing you guys around…..
Murderati's taught me about writing, but probably more about life.
Thank you for putting your words and soul out here.
And I'm grateful there's a board to try.
I am so happy to have met you here. It touches me to know that I have helped you on your creative journey. I also appreciate your consistent commenting and support. All of these mean so much to me. Please do stay in touch; I'd be sad to lose contact.
What a beautiful thing to say. I'm gratified to know that we've made a difference in your writing . . .
I'm also pleased to know you plan to stay in touch.Thank *you* for being here so often and discussing with all of us, for helping us learn too.
When I first started writing more about my life and struggles than the writing/pr, I wondered if anyone would care — if the thoughts would be relevant — and your kind words have confirmed that my decision resonated with at least a few folks. I am very grateful for that and for the conversations we've had.
As an early, if infrequent, commenter here, I'd like to thank Murderati for all the memories: fine blogging, interesting denizens, and wonderful authors found to read. My best wishes to all 'Rati in their unfolding adventures — planned and un.
Pari, It's been a joy. Thank you.
Peace and blessings to all.
As a dedicated lurker I am also going to miss hearing from the likes of Jake, KD, Shzuka, Richard, JT, Reine, Barbie, Alison, Larry–and oh so many more. May your writing dreams come true.
Thank you for Murderati in all its quirks and glories. The Murderati community has helped me through some challenges of my own, and lighted the writing path when I have needed it most. From my heart the best to you all!
With this dream-of-yours-become-reality, you've obviously got street cred, Pari! Many thanks for your vision, your determination, and your persistence. As you can see today and as you have seen over the years and especially this past month, Murderati has been a place of importance for many. And thank you also for suggesting Manny's Buckhorn Tavern a few years ago to this visitor from the East. The green chili cheeseburger was excellent! Travel well, and I'll try to catch you in one of your other fora.
It's been a wonderful adventure for me, too. It's been family, community, peer support and more. I loved my time spent with Murderati and I'll miss it like the dickens. Thank you, Pari, for all that you've done to create such an environment.
Thank you for everything so far, too. I'm glad Murderati has been a good place for you; you've certainly been wonderful for us.
You're so right about the people who've graced our blogs with their comments. The conversations have been wonderful. I'm happy the community has lit the way for you in times of trouble.
You're quite welcome. I think I might just head down there some time soon for a burger; it's really the best one in NM.
And thank you for your kind words. Looking back on these years, it's nice to say that it was alllll worth it.
It's been such a pleasure getting to know you through this experience. I'm so pleased you were part of the family, community, too.
Here it is, final comment (for me), the final post. Sigh…
There's nothing to say but thank you. Thank you, Pari, and everyone, for including me, reading me, indulging me, arguing with me, teasing me.
Thank you, Pari, in particular, for launching this vessel and keeping it afloat long enough for me to come aboard and lend a hand on deck as we took it home to port.
A sea of friends are singing
Vaya con dios
We take their hopes and feelings
To some new world
We'll be revealing
Old worlds keep closing in
They have before
They will again
Beyond the wind
Say we must go
Beyond the end
Beyond the end
Thank you for everything, Pari. The blog may end but the love lasts forever.
You're such a parrot-head, David.
Thank you for creating this community. I learned so much and enjoyed meeting all the people here, both the bloggers and the commenters. I've already registered for the bulletin board and look forward to keeping in touch with people there and on Facebook.
Everyone, take care of yourselves and see you in cyberspace.
I agree . . . sigh. I'm feeling so many different emotions right now, many conflicting. It's been a pleasure having you on Murderati. I hope the board works so that the conversations keep on rolling and we can all stay in touch.
You're so right! Thanks for that love. I feel it right now.
It's great that you registered. I haven't yet, but hope to soon. And it's wonderful that you found Murderati and that you're writing. See you soon in cyberspace indeed.
What a great community. Thanks so much for creating it, Pari! I hope to "see" you online–over on Facebook or on the board you mentioned above–and on your blog. I'm going to check out the message board right now.
Pari, first, I'm so relieved the test results were benign. How awful to have that sword hanging over your head in addition to everything else. I don't know the specifics of your personal strife but, having gone through something similar, I can imagine a few of the possibilities. You'll get through this and one day soon there will once again be love and laughter and optimism. I promise. Hang in there.
I cringe to think of the Herculean effort it must have taken to shepherd us all through this month of goodbyes. Thank you for the opportunity to say goodbye to everyone separately. It felt important to me to do that, in spite of my relative absence in the comment section in recent months. But this month was also a reminder of how time-consuming it is to do battle with that damned spam filter– um, that is, to engage within a community such as this one — time that, for many of us, would be more wisely spent in creative pursuits.
I'm looking forward to the day I see all these familiar names from the comments on the covers of books in my TBR stash. I expect you all to kick it up a notch or two.
Pari, thank you for sowing the seeds of this place, and for being the thoughtful creative caring person who nurtured all of us along the way. Because of your efforts, I have made friendships that I know will last beyond this place and time. What a rare gift you've given us. Thank you.
Wow. I'm in danger of becoming really incredibly sappy right now. Yes, it gets worse than this, be careful what you ask for.
So. I won't say goodbye. I know I'll be seeing you around.
Take care, all of you.
[I wish everyone would do this, so I'll start: if anyone wants to track me down, my website is simply my name — KDJames.com — that's where you can find my blog, oddly enough, as well as links to other social media and contact info. Stop by and say hello if you're ever in my corner of the internet.]
I'm not sure I can handle the irony of my last comment ending up in the dungeon. I know someone will rescue me, eventually, but still.
Perhaps it's a fitting end. A reminder to get back to work writing fiction instead of blog comments.
Yes, we'll "see" each other in other venues; I'm very glad we were able to see each other here as well.
Your comments — both — did make it through. I'm so sorry you have such travails with the spam filter. Every time we took it off, the Russian bots would flood the gates with all kinds of inappropriate and really annoying content. But, now, we've made it to the end.
I like your sappiness; I appreciate it on this, of all days, because it sums up so much of what I'm feeling. I'm also glad you put up your own website. I think that's a great idea. We'll all see each other. I love the thought of reading EVERYONE'S names on those TBR lists.
I said it at the beginning of April and I'll say it again so the circle can close. I've spent most mornings with y'all, drinking my morning coffee (or afternoon water). I will miss all of you, appreciate so much the time and effort and dedication a site like this takes, and thank you for it. I have the same feeling as I did when I headed for New Mexico — adventure ahead, but so hard to lose old friends.
Thank you, Pari, for everything.
Chosen hope! Absolutely love that!!!
Thank you for Murderati! I hope your future will be as bright as you are!!
Pari, apologies for being late (story of my life) but I spent yesterday in the mountains.
I can't add anything more to the sentiments expressed here. Just want to say thanks for what turned out to be the best blog on the Internet. So to you, and everyone who made Murderati such a welcoming place to hang out, farewell and the very best of luck.
"Adventure ahead." Yes indeed. And losing old friends is hard, but we don't have to lose each other, the communication will simply take a new form. (At least that's what I'm telling myself!)
I value our contact on FB and you're such an inspiration as a writer. Thank you for the good wishes. I'll see you soon in our other world.
You aren't late at all, especially since you were in the mountains. That sounds like heaven right now!
Yours has been a wonderful voice on this blog. Thank you for taking the time to converse with us and to share *your* journey as well.
Yes . . .
I can hear the mournful tune right now.