I lay no claims to the following, but when it was sent to me earlier this week by my friend Shell, it seemed wholly appropriate in light of the season of over-indulgence that is almost upon us, and I couldn’t resist sharing it.
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said, “You want hot fudge with that?”
And Man said, “Yes!”
And Woman said, “I’ll have one too—with chocolate chips.”
And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.”
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, “I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.”
And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak, so big it needed its own platter.
And Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats, adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said, “You want fries with that?”
And Man replied, “Yes, and Super Size ’em.”
And Satan said, “It is good.”
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.
So, ‘Rati, care to share your most—and least—healthy food temptations over the coming holidays? Is there something so calorific that you only dare have it at this time of year when all bets are off? Or how do you dutifully keep yourself on the dietary track until the New Year?
This week’s Words of the Week are several Daft Definitions:
microbe: tiny dressing gown
pandemonium: black and white musical instrument that won’t breed in captivity
Please feel free to add more of your own!
And finally, as this is indeed the season of indulgence, how about a few small treats that will not add to your waistline—a book or two?
I’m sure I did more than enough utterly shameless self-promotion in my last Murderati blog but if I might add to that a small mention of the new US e-edition of THIRD STRIKE: Charlie Fox book seven, just out complete with an excerpt of the next book, FOURTH DAY, and also a taster for PD Martin’s excellent HELL’S FURY.
Happy Holidays, everyone!