WITH ALL UNDUE RESPECT, PT. 2

Gar Anthony Haywood

I greatly enjoyed Zoë's most recent post here on the subject of respect and the lack thereof so many people these days show to others.  I enjoyed her post so much, in fact, that I've decided to riff on it today on this, my Wildcard Tuesday.

This probably isn't anything you haven't already noticed, but nowhere is the widespread disrespect Zoe wrote about more apparent than on the streets and byways of America.  When civilization completely breaks down, I firmly believe the fuse will be lit somewhere on the 405 freeway here in Los Angeles.

Angelenos treat the rules and regulations of the road like mild suggestions no one is really expected to take seriously.  Funny, but when I read a "NO RIGHT TURN" sign, I take it very literally, while others...well, let's just say they must see some fine print on there somewhere that's invisible to me.

Here, then, are a few common road signs, and the ways they are interpreted by some of the numbskulls who risk our lives daily driving any damn well they please:

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "Make a half-assed effort to slow down momentarily, then watch for opposing traffic as you blow through the intersection."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "Park here only it you have a need to, and only for the amount of time it will take you to leisurely conduct your business."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "Please don't turn left here unless it would inconvenience you in some way not to do so."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "Right-of-way doesn't mean jack if you can't beat me to the spot, sister.  Let's go!"

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "If they didn't want people making U-turns here, they would never have put this opening in the island.  Besides, you're nuts if you think I'm going to drive a block out of my way to turn around legally, instead."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "Relax!  I'm gonna run into the store, fill my cart to the max, than start a huge argument with a cashier when I attempt to get 68 items through the Express Line.  Should only take me a minute."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "You say your lane's going away and you need to merge into mine?  Sounds like a personal problem to me, pal.  Get lost."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "If you watch for opposing traffic very, very carefully, and do it really quick, you should be able to continue on past this sign for another block or two to reach your destination.   Beats the hell out of going around."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "First of all, I'm not stopping, I'm parking.  Secondly, I left my kids in the car so you know I'm not going to be here long.  And third, there's no place else to park that's not at least a block away and my damn feet hurt."

THE A-HOLE'S INTERPRETATION: "So I'm supposed to hang back and miss the next green up ahead just so some shmuck I don't know can make his left turn in front of me?  I don't think so."