Men of Mystery/ Rage Against the Night

by Alexandra Sokoloff

I wouldn’t call myself a connoisseur of men, exactly, or a gourmet, or heaven forbid, a gourmand.

But I do, well, notice them. 

One of the not-so-often-talked-about perks of the author life is that you are thrown in with some of the most fascinating, charismatic and fun males on the planet.

The variety is staggering.  Just consider our own men of Murderati. 

The oh-so-cool and oh-so-soulful Steve Schwartz. Well, who wouldn’t melt at the Kerouac/Cassady beat aura, the rhythm of a musician, that leather jacket?

Dusty Rhoades, an earthy, sexy bear of a man who calls himself a redneck when no redneck was ever so smart or so freaking liberal – but who you can see strangling a man with one hand if he ever even THOUGHT of messing with one of Dusty’s friends. 

David Corbett, so scary smart you want to whack him, but he’s carried noir elegance into present day and has the street cred to back it all up. And loyal as the day is long.

Gar Haywood, the sophisticated chameleon, who does “urban” noir and heartwarming cozy with equal skill – always the coolest man in the room but OH, you would not want to cross him and get caught in the fire. (Or would you?) 

Jonathan Hayes, who you KNOW could introduce you to a spectrum of sensual delights usually reserved for Arab men in patriarchal cultures who die gloriously in battle and get 100 virgins and the world’s best chefs working around the clock for them or something like that.

Ken Bruen, the Irish poet. I don’t know how any of the rest of us even have souls of our own: it seems to me that Ken has the keeping of the universal soul.  There is no harshness in this man, he is beautifully, truly himself to the core.

Expanding into the greater community. . .

Lee Child, every woman’s fantasy of James Bond but OH so much more interesting.   As radical as the day is long, and people call him shy but HAH. I’ve never met a man more capable of making any woman feel she is the most fabulous thing on the planet.  Reacher is a pale copy of the creator.  Plus he has that dreamy brother, the dreamy Andrew Grant, who has his own sleek spy thriller cred.   Lee or Andrew?  Andrew or Lee?  Or . . .  well,  that kind of speculating could keep a girl busy for a long, long time. 

Harlan Coben. The ultimate family man with bad boy written all over him.  He will drive you insane by telling you the absolute truth about why you are not where you should be as a writer, and then tell you the exact thing you need to know to get to the next level, driving you even more insane, because he’s right.  I love his passionate meltdowns on panels, they’re worth the price of admission to any conference. 

Joe Konrath.  If you can keep from killing him on first contact (or tenth), the most fun anyone can have standing up. Brilliant, visionary mind, nail-biting writer, and a sense of humor that will keep you young if you have the ovaries to survive it.  An earthy life force, and one of the only men who understands that all a woman wants on the dance floor is for you to be out there on it with her.  He would deny he is a good guy but I know better, and if you don’t, you’re missing out. 

F. Paul Wilson.  There is nothing this man does not know or cannot do. A practicing doctor AND genre-bending bestselling author AND serious drummer and wonderful actor; the sweetest man on the planet, as well as the most wickedly funny. You can rock out with him to ass-kicking Cajun music in a down-and-dirty Zydeco club on Bourbon Street, and talk to him about Deism while the band is taking a break.  A prince among men, and that’s no lie.

Barry Eisler. Well, what can I say – that hair!  No, there’s so much more to Barry. So much gorgeous and talented in one package would be insufferable if he weren’t so passionately political.  Get your mind out of the gutter and take a look. Barry has a moral compass that could lead us all.  If there were a zombie apocalypse, I’d want him rebuilding the world.

Speaking of Hollywood gorgeous - Marcus Sakey.  All right, I always had a thing for Starsky, so sue me.   But Marcus you can’t hate either, he’s the real deal. Uber-talented, doesn’t miss a trick, and a great guy – I’d love it if they’d just clone him.

Blake Crouch – hmm, can’t say anything here, I’m practically certain I could get arrested.  But someone so talented (writing AND music), so sweet, so fun, so loving, and so YOUNG, is going to rule the world any second now. And I’d be happy to have him do it.

We have men in this community who can turn you into a puddle just with their voices (Reed Farrel Coleman and and Gary Phillips)  There are brilliant soulful poets you want to save, while the more conscious half of your brain is saying they will destroy you if you stay a second longer at the bar (fill in the blank...)

I could go on and on and ON.  But there’s one man you might not be as familiar with as the others, while I, being the cross-genre slut—uh, wench—that I am, have had a little more exposure. And this is one you NEED to know. 

Rocky Wood is the current president of the Horror Writers Association, and the author of  Stephen King: Uncollected, Unpublished (Softcover), Stephen King: The Non-Fiction, Stephen King: A Literary Companion, Horrors: Great Stories of Fear and Their Creators

Rocky is a born New Zealander, current Australian, and believe me, Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe have nothing on him. They so very seldom make men like this anymore, it’s tragic. If there’s any point of cloning at all it should be to make more of these.

First of all, there’s that accent. But that’s just window dressing, really. 

He is charming in the way that the most charismatic movie stars I’ve met are charming.  He is totally present and focused in exactly the moment he is in, and on the person or group he is with. He has an aura that is sexy and smart and just beyond what you see in the real world.

You are drawn to the accent and his intensity, first, and the charisma, and then you very quickly start to realize that this is a wonderful person.  An exceptional person.  That whatever you thought you were rushing off to do can wait, possibly forever, because you really need to be right here and just find out who this person is.

A purely good person. 

They say about certain gurus and great spiritual leaders, like the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa, that you feel uplifted just as they walk in the room. That their physical presence changes your own auric vibration. Well, that's Rocky.

All right, here comes the hard part.  And if you’re not sitting down, maybe you should, because when I say hard, I mean hard.

Rocky has ALS, otherwise known as Lou Gehrig’s disease,  or Motor Neurone disease. It is an evil, insidious thing. It turns the muscles to soup. There is no cure.

The news of this, this year, made me want to take whatever pills that would get me out of this life as fast as I could exit it.  It made me wonder what was the point of anything at all.

Horrible things happen to good people all the time. No one can tell me that there is not actual evil in the world.

But this is one of those – THE PERSON WHO LEAST DESERVES THIS SCOURGE – events. 

So what is anyone to make of something like this?

Believe it or not, I’m not going to be dark about it.  I had that phase a while ago.  I’ve moved on, to two basic thoughts.  Which actually might be in opposition, but here they are anyway.

1. The perfect cure can happen instantly, tomorrow, this afternoon, this second. Miracles happen. Not consistently, but they happen.  As I wrote in THE PRICE, and as I believe (on good days): “If one miracle has ever happened in the world, why not this one, for you?”

2. Another, and possibly the more important point is that: this world is only illusion.  What you feel, what you can touch, right now, it’s only illusion.  There is a better state we pass on to, which to me is—pure energy.  Without the heaviness of a body.  Without the agony of what people do to each other on the earth plane.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my body, it gives me great pleasure, and I’m happy to know that it gives other people great pleasure.  But it’s so very heavy.  I have to think that there is a lighter kind of existence, and that it’s a much better existence.  I do enough yoga to believe that, with every cell and neuron in me.

And if this is true, it is not such a hard or horrible thing to have a fatal disease. Anything that is what the Hindus call Moksha: liberation, release from the earth plane, is a blessing.

(So I’ve gone from the ridiculously sensual to liberation from the physical body.  How’s that for a blog post?)

But since we’re still on this plane, a bunch of Rocky’s friends, who happen to be pretty incredibly great writers, have contributed a passel of short stories to a collection called RAGE AGAINST THE NIGHT, edited by Shane Jiraiya Cummings, with short stories by Stephen King, Ramsey Campbell, Peter Straub, F. Paul Wilson, Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, Sarah Langan, Scott Nicholson, and many more. My short story, The Edge of Seventeen, is reprinted in the book, too. You may be especially interested in a story by Stephen King, which details a deal with the devil that Rocky would never make: passing this kind of illness on to another human being. But the book is also packed with tales from rising stars in the horror genre you may not be as familiar with.

The price is $3.99, and all proceeds go to buying Rocky an eye gaze machine, a miraculous device that allows which allows the severely physically impaired to communicate via eye movements.

Rocky has already made arrangements to pass the machine on to another family that needs it, because that’s the kind of man he is.

No one knows what will happen tomorrow.  I may drop dead long before Rocky does. Any one of us could. What I do know is that anyone who has not known this man is the poorer for it.   I hope this post will go a small way toward correcting that.

Thank you for reading.

- Alex

RAGE AGAINST THE NIGHT:

E book now available for $3.99 from: 

- Amazon (Kindle)

-  Smashwords (multi-format ebook)

In the coming weeks, the anthology should be available at all good online retailers, and the print version will be available in January.

Synopsis:

Under the onslaught of supernatural evil, the acts of good people can seem insignificant, but a courageous few stand apart. These brave men and women stand up to the darkness, stare it right in the eye, and give it the finger. These are the stories of those who rage against the night, stories of triumph, sacrifice, and bravery in the face of overwhelming evil.

- Edited by Shane Jiraiya Cummings.

The Economics of Touring

JT Ellison

I had a bit of a panic two weeks ago when the statement for my business card arrived, and the total was big enough that if I d cared to, I could have bought this instead.

Or this.

Or nearly paid for this.

Needless to say, once I d dragged my jaw off the floor, I sat down with my color-coded Excel spreadsheet and did some soul searching.

The Facts: Touring, promotions, and the like are becoming more and more expensive, with less and less upside. With the advent of social networking, Google Alerts and Facebook ads, you can reach an exponentially greater number of readers than slogging out onto the road. Hotels, rental cars, gas, food, airplanes it all adds up pretty damn quick, and when you can send a tweet that 6,000 people see in one minute or less for free, it becomes less and less attractive.

The Reality: I like traveling. Being a writer helps me fulfill a lifelong dream see the open road, experience new cultures and cities, and have a good time whilst doing it. I adore meeting readers. Adore it. And it s tax deductible, so in the past, I ve let that be the deciding factor. And since I am running a business here, I need to offset income, so business travel is a good way to do that.

But: Where do you draw the line? At what point is the need to tour and promote overshadowing the two other factors time, and money?

I should note that my business card bender this month wasn t just for the initial tour for SO CLOSE THE HAND OF DEATH, though a large chunk of it was. I also booked all my travel for the rest of the year, including the trip I just went on (D.C. for research), two conferences fees and their airfare, an upcoming overseas trip, plus two vacation trips in August that the airfare is the only expense. (Yes, we travel too much. Without kids, it s kind of like a permanent Spring Break around here.) When I look at all that, I calmed down a little, because while it may look indiscriminate and rash, I actually utilized my mad bargain skillz to get the very best deals possible, and several of the trips are of vital importance to me personally. And my usual $1000 average monthly bill will be practically nonexistent for the rest of the year.

Friends of mine know that when it comes to myself, I can be austere in the extreme. I only ever buy clothes on steep discount. I have no car payment, live in a state that has no state income tax (though our sales tax is 9.4%) and tend to buy wine that s less than $20 a bottle. I spent $600 on my glasses, but I ve worn them every day for the past 4 years, so the amortized rate ends up being about 41 cents a day, and dropping rapidly. I use Starbucks as a treat, not a right. We don t have kids, and Jade s food, while plentifully expensive, doesn t exactly break the bank. I do have a book buying addiction, but that s been curbed with the advent of my Goal for 2011, Depth, which means I m focused on reading what I have instead of buying more. I do trend toward expensive face cream, but if you consider my total makeup expenditure for any given fiscal year might hit $50, and 90% of that is Carmex, I think it offsets. Not too long ago, I went crazy at TJ Maxx, buying a pair of sandals, a pair of jeans, 2 dresses, a purse and a wrap. $189. I honestly called one of my dear girlfriends and bemoaned, and eventually took back the jeans and both dresses. I just didn t NEED them.

But this is business. Making money costs money. I do NEED to find ways to promote my books, and I do NEED to use the money I make on them through advances and royalties to pay the mortgage, my health insurance, and all the expenses accrued throughout the year for touring and promotions. And those expenses seem to be going up. I am blessed that I have the ability to cover these costs, but after this last round, I'm really rethinking my expenditures.

So is touring the most cost effective use of your precious advance dollars?

The answer is no, of course. To cover the cost of one plane ticket, I'd have to sell about 1000 books per event, and while I'm generally not disappointed with turnout, I'm just not at that level. But it has been an invaluable resource for me, and I'm firmly convinced that I wouldn't be where I am in my career without all the stops I've made along the way. There is nothing, NOTHING, better than a bookseller who evangelizes for you, and a reader who you've met who tells their friends to read your books. You can get that online, yes, but it doesn't have the same feel.

And now it all really is changing, and perhaps even becoming irrelevant, as more ebooks flood the market and bookstores go out of business. The venues for touring are dramatically curtailed day after day. My first book tour, back in late 2007-early 2008, covered 13 states. Each book, even while I endeavor to hit different areas of the country each time, that number has decreased. And in the Fall, when my 7th novel comes out, I won t be doing more than 1 or 2 out of town gigs and one of those is Bouchercon St. Louis.

Reed Farrel Coleman wrote a great piece in this month's Crimespree Magazine that resonated with me. He's asking that the conference planners do some heavy thinking about where the conferences are held in the future. Bouchercon San Francisco cost him twice what Bouchercon Indianapolis cost. I have to admit, after doing two book tours last year, the idea of dropping another $2000 for BCon in San Francisco was too much for me. I have to have a travel budget, just like everyone else. I agree with Reed that the con organizers need to be looking at less expensive venues, or else they're going to price themselves out of the market. (Hint: Come to Nashville!)

The economics of touring aside, the time spent on the road is almost more of a consideration for me. I think I have a form of ADD, because for every conference, weekend trip, book release, etc., I basically lose the week after. Yes, I write on the road, but it s little bits here and there, in the hotel, on airplanes, creative bursts shoved into notebooks or written on cocktail napkins. I don t have the facility to focus on too many things at once, so I tend to push the creative to second place when I m on the road. I know some authors who write better when they travel, but I m willing to bet that universally they have kids and familial obligations that eat into their writing time when they re home. I need quiet to concentrate, to allow my creative well to refill daily. Even being off Facebook and Twitter for Lent has allowed me a deeper, stronger focus on my work, and as a consequence, I m getting more done, and it s better quality stuff.

But for all the whining about money and time lost, there s something irreplaceable about touring that I m not sure how I can forego. And that s meeting you. The reader. The person who allows me the indulgence of trying to make these decisions. Every tour, I get home tired and cranky and the bills arrive and I swear I m never going to do it again, and every time those galleys arrive for the next book, I find myself entertaining the idea, and ultimately calling my publicist and saying yes, let s do this.

I can t predict what s going to happen next. All I know is that as an artist, I have to weigh the cost and time associated with the physical book tour and conferences and look at ways to minimize the damage. Whether that s just attending one conference a year, finding new ways to do bookstore appearances virtually, or simply not doing it at all, remains to be seen. Ultimately, I have to do what s going to get the best books into the hands of the readers the quickest way possible, and that means staying home and writing like a good little dooby.

So I m curious to hear what you think. Be honest. How many times have you blown off an author signing? Are you less likely to attend an event if you've been regularly accessing your favorites through FB and Twitter? And will the e-book revolution kill touring once and for all?

Wine of the Week - shared with wonderful new friends in Santa Fe, (which it is the time to spend good money on good wine) Turley Zinfandel 2005 (Rattlesnake Vineyard)

RWA Nationals and some thoughts on INCEPTION

by Alexandra Sokoloff

I’m posting from Orlando, where I am at the Romance Writers of America National Convention, along with ever-lovelier Murderati lovelies JT and Allison.

I don’t suppose it’s even much of a surprise any more that a good chunk of this Rati lineup attends one or both of the major romance conventions a year, and smaller ones on the side as well.   And it’s not just because we can’t bear to go more than a few months without seeing each other in person, although that’s part of it.

Many of us have said this here before, but it bears repeating.   ANY writer in publishing today ignores the romance market at their own peril.   Industry insiders openly admitted that romance kept the book business afloat during the bleakest times of the recession, and continues to.    And it’s no longer the case that mystery and thriller writers are just outsider guests, mere curiosities at these conferences.   Just in the last four years that I’ve been a published author, I’ve seen the huge tent that romance is take in more and more subgenres, some of which tilt darker and darker  -  and I’m talking dark like in zombie apocalypse stories – to the point that I’m not sure you can realistically call romance ANY kind of genre at all, as much as it is simply a marketing strategy.

(Okay, all right, I can hear romance purists howling out there, but I’m looking at this from a mystery/thriller perspective.).

ALL the publishers are here, some of them with dozens of reps, from divisions all over the world.    You can’t walk two steps without tripping over an editor or agent from a major company, And not to be crass, but you can tell how romance ranks with our publishers not just from that overwhelming presence, but also from the sheer amount of money the agents and publishers spend on parties, marketing, and book giveaways (staggering…).

Because of that overwhelmingly professional slant, RWA is not the free-for-all that Thrillerfest and Bouchercon and Left Coast Crime – and Romantic Times – tend to be.   (Although nothing beats that Harlequin dance party – I’m so sore this morning I can barely type…).   It’s a working conference; many, many aspiring authors come to pitch to agents and editors (and do come away with representation and book deals), and the very cool thing is that RWA chapters all over the country prep their chapter members for conferences with practice pitch sessions and conference how-to in the months before “nationals”, as they call it.

One feature I really love about RWA (besides being able to wear all my dressiest clothes and changing outfits three times a day) is the daily luncheons with keynote speakers.   Not only do they feed us (which means I actually eat, something I often forget to do at other conferences), but there’s always a fascinating keynote speaker at the lunches – yesterday Jane Ann Krentz, who has published 160 books under three different names, giving us a wry breakdown of how she has sabotaged her own career over and over and over again over the years, and always managed to reinvent herself.   You can’t help but learn – and find comfort – from a pro with that much life and career experience.  

But the greatest thing for me about this conference, as really any of the good ones, is hearing aspiring writers all around me say in a way that makes me know they mean it – “That’s it  - no more fucking around.   I’m finishing this book by   ----“    (Oh, all right, it’s Nationals, they’re not saying “fucking”.)   And they mean it.   I’ve seen it happen over and over and over again – a conference like this is what gets people past those last internal blocks and gets the book finished, repped and out there.

Something to think about.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so while I’ve been here I’ve taught two Screenwriting Tricks For Authors workshops, SRO, and because I saw INCEPTION last week I kept using that as an example, and I want to make a couple of comments without discussing in-depth until more people have seen it.

The movie is a great one to see not just because anything Christopher Nolan does is worth seeing, but also because it illustrates how useful it is to watch movies and read books with story structures specific to what you’re writing yourself.    I’m going to do a full post on it next month, and if you want to play along, there are two things especially I wanted to suggest you guys keep in mind when you see it.

First of all – the movie is about the nature of dreams and reality, sure, but while you’re watching it, ask yourself – “What KIND of story is it? (See here if you don't know what I'm talking about).  It’s a very specific sub-genre that Nolan uses to tell this story, and all the conventions of that genre are used and laid out very -conventionally. Instead of giving you the answer, though, I think I’ll let you see it and tell me.

But it's absolutely textbook how all the story elements I keep talking about are laid out in this movie (watch particularly for how the PLAN is articulated over and over and over again...)

Also, the movie is interesting structurally because it uses a convention we haven’t talked about yet – a Point Of View character. Even though DiCaprio is the protagonist, we maintain a certain distance from him because he is so unreliable. So there is also a character who carries the emotional investment of the audience – a character who observes DiCaprio, worries about his mental state, and steps in at a crucial moment with a plan of her own. Ooops, there, I gave it away, but it’s not really a spoiler – I just wanted to mention that Ellen Page is serving as the point of view character, and you can see how that works. (Actually I think the Ellen Page character is a very weak character, and it’s a weak performance, but the presence of that character as written still works to build suspense about DiCaprio as a dangerous character, unsuited to do the job he’s supposed to be doing.).

This is a storytelling trick used when you want to build in a whole other layer to your protagonist, and observe her or him as a character instead of simply being inside the character as a vehicle for your experience of the story. Often this character will actually BE the protagonist, the one with the biggest emotional arc.

Also, this is a great movie to watch for the outlining of the PLAN.

And oh, all right - what class MYTHS do you see working in this one? (One is too easy for words, but not ALL on the nose...)

There are some classic Point Of View characters in literature, and some not so famous – any examples for us?

And yes, I want to hear what KIND of story you think INCEPTION is!

And of course – anyone else have a take on romance conferences?

Back to the trenches, now… where are those spike heels?

- Alex



Yeah, I've been there...kind of...

By Brett Battles

I’m writing this blog from 35,000 feet, in aisle 9, seat A of a Southwest flight from Chicago to Las Vegas (where I’ll transfer to a flight to Burbank and home). Sleeping in aisle 9, seat B is our own Robert Gregory Browne. No snoring as of yet, thankfully. It’s Tuesday, two days ago.

We are returning from a week long trip back east, first to Columbus, Ohio, to the RT Booklover’s Conference, and then a couple days in Chicago where we visited good friends Tasha Alexander and Andrew Grant, and had lunch with the wonderful Dana Litoff.

I’m wiped, really and truly wiped. Conferences have a way of doing that to me. They are fun, entertaining, educational, etc., etc., etc. But they can also drain every last ounce of strength from me. I know that going in. I expect it, and yet I’m always surprised by just how tired I feel afterward.

This was my first time at RT, and I have to say it will not be my last. It was an excellent conference, and I got a look at a part of the book world I hadn’t been exposed to before.

Like most conferences, I seldom left the event location. And to make things even easier, the Columbus Conference center is connected directly to the conference hotel, so I seldom even stepped outside.

Sorry, Columbus, my only view of you was basically from the window of my taxi to and from the airport. You looked like a nice place to visit, but I really can’t say that I was there.  If I did, it wouldn’t be fair to you. You’re conference center is nice, though. Good job!

I guess that might be my problem with a lot of conferences. Change the name on the airport, and the building on the ride to the hotel, but otherwise it’s the same location-wise.

Don’t get me wrong I love conferences. I’ll continue going to them. But as a diehard traveler, I like to get to know the places I go. Usually this means wandering around the city, and soaking it in. Unfortunately, conferences take up most of an attendee’s time, and even if there are a few hours here and there, you want that time to rest up, or, as I was forced to do on this past trip, sneak away to your room to get a few hours in on your revisions.

Yeah, I know. I could come in a day or two early, but, often, that would probably be cutting into my writing schedule. And, like it or not, I have deadlines I have to meet. (I like it.) Staying a few days after is not an option as all I would want to do is stay in my room and sleep. (Yeah, I know I stopped off in Chicago this time on the way home, but you can ask the others…we all did a lot of sitting around talking and watching Firefly…which was about all I could handle and exactly what I needed...FYI, I love Firefly…LOVE. IT.)

I’m not complaining. What I’m actually trying to do is apologize to cities like Columbus and Baltimore and Madison and even Chicago. Wish I knew you better, and maybe someday I will. And to all those future conference cities, a little I’m-sorry-ahead-of-time because chances are I’m not going to get to know you either.

Okay, the flight attendants are bringing out the free drinks, and, believe it or not, I need to put in a little mid-air time on my revisions, so I’ll leave you with this image:

 

 Nighty-night, Rob!

Let’s do a little game of travel ranking: 

A) Favorite/least favorite airline.

B) Best/worst trip you’ve ever taken.

C) Dream vacation spot.

I’ll start –

Airline Favorites: Cathay Pacific, Thai Airways, and domestically I’m going to have to give a nod to Southwest strictly on the no fees for check bag thing alone.

Airline Not-so-favorites: Most of the other U.S. domestic airlines 

Best Trip: Five months traveling around Europe when I was twenty. Outstanding.

Worst: Hmmm…I tend to find something to enjoy on most of my trips…so I don’t actually know.

Dream vacation spot: Phi Phi Islands in Thailand. No cars, no real motor vehicles at all. Just beach and laid-back hotels and open air bars. Bliss.

Turning 40 and Missing Bouchercon

by Alafair Burke

This Friday is October 16, significant to many people, I’m sure, for a variety of reasons.  Odds being what they are, someone reading this is probably having an anniversary.  Or a birthday.  Or a new book published.

According to the handy dandy Interwebs, this Friday will mark a number of important historical events: the guillotining of Marie Antoinette in 1793, the births of Oscar Wilde and Eugene O’Neill, n 1854 and 1888, respectively, the beginning of the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, and the launch of Ross Perot's infomercial in 1992.

But I have my eye on this Friday for two reasons.  First, it’s the Friday of Bouchercon weekend.   There’s no shortage of terrific programming for the weekend, and Friday is chock full of good stuff:   2009 Anthony nominees for short story, like Sean Chercover and Jane Cleland, discuss their work; panels on setting, plotting, and noir (oh my!); talk of police procedurals, PI novels, series characters, and women in the genre; and, of course, Michael Koryta’s interview of guest of honor (and god of writing) Michael Connelly.

 So much for a photo with both Michaels at the same time

I think I just felt a tear roll down my right cheek.  Why?  Because I won’t be in Indianapolis.  Nope, no Bouchercon for me this year.  Why not?  Because the second reason I’ve been eyeballing the approach of October 16, 2009, is that it marks the fortieth anniversary of my birth.  I believe that makes it my fortieth birthday.

When I first realized last winter that Bouchercon fell on my birthday, I assumed I’d go.  Given the timing of the annual conference, I’ve had Bouchercon birthdays before.  I spent my 33rd at that memorable hotel in Las Vegas.  My editor took me off-site to see Tom Jones where I was not the only birthday girl, but was apparently the only one who held on to her lingerie.

But as early 2009 whizzed by and my travel plans went left unmade, I realized I was procrastinating for a reason.  I was trying to guess how I’d feel on the big day.  I was imagining my own future state of mind.  Stupid idea.  Speculating about the future is risky.  Understanding one’s current mood and its relationship to external factors is also imprecise.  Throwing the two together was…well, stupid.

Several months ago, past-me imagined future-me on October 16, 2009, and did not like what she saw:  Me wandering around alone at Bouchercon; sitting at my signing table, saying goodbye to the last person in my modest line as the crowd waiting to see the author next to me tried to mask its pity; sobbing into my martini at the bar as I realized I was officially half way to eighty, well over a third of the way to dead.

Bummer, huh?

Turns out past-me sucks at both remembering the past and predicting the future. 

As Bouchercon approaches, I find myself recalling not those past moments of humble pie (almost) every rookie writer experiences at Bouchercon -- meandering around with a hotel map and a conference brochure as the seasoned vets exchange enthusiastic and kissy welcomes and hold court at the bar.  Instead, my mind is flooded with good memories of friendships formed and a love of writing shared: the Reacher Creature parties; that amazing panel in 2006 with Ken Bruen, Laura Lippman, and fellow Ratis, Cornelia Read and Zoe Sharp; the night these guys became my pals and we smiled like people in a toothpaste ad:

Bouchercon Chicago with Ben Rehder, James Born, and Barry Eisler And, although October 16 is still a few days off, it looks like past-me also got the future wrong. I don’t feel like crap about 40 after all.  I have an amazing husband and two kickass jobs.  I get love from good friends and my awesome dog.  I ran twenty-five miles last week, which I couldn’t do when I was 30.  Or 20.  And I live (and get to write about) the coolest city in the world.

If I cried at the Bouchercon bar about entering a fifth decade of this life I've got, I’d deserve to get my butt kicked.

Yet for reasons I had months ago, I won’t be in Indianapolis.  I’ll be having a different kind of fun: that husband and a few of the good friends I mentioned will be hanging out at a beach house, frying a turkey.  Today’s me predicts Friday-me will have a fabulous time.

But I’ll miss you folks who are going to Bouchercon.  I hope you’ll use the comments to remember the past or predict the future.  What are some of your favorite Bouchercon memories or most anticipated Bouchercon events?  Feel free to throw in some birthday chat as well.  You never know…Friday-me might need the encouragement after all.