ON THE BUBBLE with JIM ROLLINS

Jim Rollins is one of the few men I take to bed who can keep me up all night.

Well, it's true.  His chapter endings are such cliff-hangers, I can't let go of my anxiety.  But then, what can you expect from this best selling author of SEVEN pulse racing thrillers?  Oh, and then he's also a best selling fantasy author of THREE different series under the name of James Clemens!  And then of course, he also has a Ph.D in veterinary medicine, his undergraduate work focused on evolutionary biology-he's an amateur spelunker and a certified scuba diver.  Other than that, he's just your ordinary regular guy.  Yeah. Right.  A super human dynamo is more like it.  Lest you think me gaga, be sure to pick up his newest - BLACK ORDER - out June 27th and see for yourself.

Now, come meet Jim Rollins and discover why he is the newest member of my secret loves club.   p.s. I have six now, and room for one more.

EE:  Sean Connery called me last night, and after swearing me to secrecy (HA!), he told me that  George Lucas has read all of your best sellers and is planning on offering you zillions to stop writing because you've already covered many of the plots he had on the back burner.  And, he's terrified Steven Spielberg will get to you first.  So, Jim, daaahhhling, wasup?

JR:  Yes, I've had to run electronic surveillance sweeps to make sure my home is not bugged.  And I didn't fall for that trick of sending Harrison Ford to my doorstep.  He said he was just coming over to borrow a cup of sugar, but I knew he was really a Spielberg/Lucas mole.  And that new stud earring Harrison is now sporting...plainly a sophisticated camera.  Amateurs!

Oh, and here I thought Connery was letting me in for a scoop!  You knew all the time!  But then, I'd not expect less from you.

EE:  So, Jim - isn't it true your hobby as a caver is really a cover up for the work you're doing for N.S.A.'s search for Atlantis?

JR:  Just between you and me...who the heck caves for fun?!?  The mud, the claustrophobia, the cold.  Of course, thre is more to it than a mere 'hobby'! And that Atlantis rumor was merely a cover story to hide the real truth.  I discovered the moldering bones of Jules Verne clutching a strange map, and I'm still following those clues.  Unfortunately, last year, I transposed two Latin verbs in one of Verne's codes and ended up in Dan Brown's basement.  But now I'm back on track.

Dan Brown's basement???  Ohhh....hope he didn't see you.  Where you able to take a peek at what he's working on next?  He hasn't read any of your books, has he?  Just kidding.

EE:  I understand you're a movie buff, Jim - and that 'Way of the Vampire' and 'Season of the Hunted' are your favorites.  Any others you think we might enjoy?

JR:  I would like to take this opportunity to make a personal plea to Hollywood.  Can we PLEASE have more movies based on video games?  This is a trend that is barely tapped.  I think Christian Slater was robbed of an Oscar for his performance in 'Alone in the Dark'. And where is the long-awaited Ms. Pacman movie?  We've been clammoring for it for decades!  And c'mon, 'Tetris: The Movie' practically writes itself!

So, so true!  Tell you what - I will personally call Ron Howard today and pass along your brilliant suggestions.  And if he doesn't bite, I'll just tell him that Tom Hanks is on the other line ready to call you himself. 

EE:  Back to the book biz for a minute:  What best selling book do you wish you'd written?

JR:  Without a doubt ...The Old Testament....and of course, its sequel, The New Testament.  Just think of the royalties, and all those movie deals!  Mel Gibson alone would owe me a small fortune.

Brilliant choice!  The drama, the setting, the cast!  Oh, yes!  It's all there.

EE:  We've all got a bad habit or two.  Or, maybe three?  How about you, Jim?

JR:  Answering interview questions.  I really have to break this habit.

Aww, but you're so darn much fun! 

EE:  Okay, I'll lighten up on you then if you hate these things.  How's this?  Give us a hint of what would be a perfect day.

JR:  I've always thought it would be cool to live one of those apocalyptic days...you know, with flesh eating zombies.  I would then have a really good excuse not to go to the gym.

Flesh eating zombies??  Ewwww.  Wouldn't the end of the world be a better choice?

EE:  Let's try the 'lighten up' thing again, okay?  Who would you love to do a book tour with?

JR:  Only you, El...can I call you "El"?  Think of the lonely road together, the whispers across late candle-lit dinners, debating the works of Proust, shakespeare, and Lemony Snicket...then the occasional longing glance out of the corner of the eye, the sudden smile, the laughter that hides something more.  Where might it lead?  More than just the New York Times bestseller list?

OHHHHHH....HELP!  I'M MELTING FASTER THAN THE WAX ON THE CANDLES AND IT'S NOT HOT FLASHES!  DARLING!  OF COURSE YOU CAN CALL ME 'EL'....JUST CALL ME!

EE:  Whew!  I'm not sure if I can go on here.  Pardon me for a moment whilst I fan my face.  Okay, I'm fine now.  I can do this.  Other than writing two series (!), what do you consider your biggest challenge?

JR:  It has to be my role as an international man of mystery.  It gets so tiring doing all those quick changes in disguise:  the modeling clay, the fake teeth, the tinted contact lenses.  The dry cleaning bill alone ate through my last royalty check. But at least the world is a much safer place.

The hell with the world, where shall we meet?

EE:  Sorry about that.  Okay, back to the interview.  Which writers would be on your ideal convention panel?

JR:  Anyone who really hates me.  Panels should be like reality television...bitter rivalries, back-stabbing, finger-pointing, alliances, betrayals.  A panel is not a panel without a really good fistfight...or at least one person out of the room in tears.  Even if it's me.

We could sell tickets to that.  Let's talk, okay?  In fact, now that I've got Ron Howard slobbering over you, we might even strike a deal with him to film it.  Think of the possibilites! Syndication even.  Reruns! We'd have that private island you've been lusting over.

EE:  Oh, my head is spinning with deals, but on to the next question.  Is it really true you listen to Led Zepplin when you write your thrillers - and that's why your chapters always end as cliff hangers?  I mean, your pacing is heart racing!  Play fair with us, Jim! We really need to know this kind of stuff so we can copy you.

JR:  Led Zepplin?...not any longer, El (can I still call you, El?).  My current rave is mash-ups, where a DJ mixes two different musical styles together.  What I'm listening to right now is a mash-up of Barbra Streisand's 'Funny Girl' and the Sex Pistol's 'Anarchy in the UK'.  In fact, I think Johnny Rotten and Barbra should tour together.  Think of them:  the lonely road, the whispers across late candle-lit meals, debating the works of Proust, Shakespeare...where might THAT lead?

But...but ...wasn't that our romantic evening?  Sigh.  I knew it was too good to be true.  Oh, well...into each life some rain must fall.

EE:  One of my sources tells me your neighbors are up in arms about your fans hanging around your front door lately.  Dogs, cats and all manner of animals who were once your patients when you were a vet - miss you so much they can't stay away.  How have you managed to handle this, Jim?

JR:  Oh, I have an open invitation to spay or neuter anything that lands on my doorstep. So I guess I owe Harrison Ford an apology.  He really should not have come knocking when I had a scalpel in hand.

Oh, crimey!  Does Callista know?   Man, is she in for a surprise.  But - my lips are sealed.  She won't hear it from me.  Unless, of course, our candle-lit dinner is off.

EE:  Okay, back to the writing life again.  Who is your favorite dead author - and why should Ophra select him next?

JR:  I'd say Jules Verne.  Mostly to see if he'd hop up and down on Oprah's couch like Tom Cruise.

Wasn't he the biggest jerk?  I think Verne would at least do it with more elan.

EE:  Which writer would you love to have all to yourself in a cozy corner of the bar at ThrillerFest?

JR:  Any writer who is willing to buy a guy a drink.  That's my favorite sort of writer.

Really?  So, uh...Jim...I'll have a Gentleman Jack and soda, what are you having?

EE:  Before the hot flashes start again, we'd all like to know what is your favorite retreat?

JR:  Without a doubt: the retreat of the Athenians during the Peloponnesian War.  I have the entire battle done in a diorama in my basement, each figure carefully crafted out of stale marshmllo Peep left over from last Easter.  Oh, wait, is that the 'retreat' you mean?

Uh, actually, no.  But, if it works for you....we'll go with it.

EE:  And last, but not the least - what is your secret energy source?  You not only write two best selling series, but took on the mantle of Chief Award Judge (overseeing a gaggle of committees) for International Thriller Writers first 'Thriller' award.  I mean, come clean with us, Jim.  I'm worn out by three in the afternoon.  Whatever you're using, want some!

JR:  It's a combination of cold fusion and again those stale marshmallow Peeps (they do come in handy...even if they are the creation of demonic forces).

Oh, well...thanks, but I think I'll pass, okay? 

AND - many, many thanks to Jim for being On The Bubble!  By now you've surely gotten an idea why I just love this guy! 

P.S.  Next Saturday - On The Bubble is taking the day off.  I'll be at ThrillerFest in Phoenix, and since I won't be here to 'interact'  and miss all the fun, I've invited Kris Montee of P.J. Parrish fame to step in and regale you.  This is one funny, savvy and absolutely delightful lady - and you won't want to miss what she has to say!  But - I'll be back on June 24th with Laura Lippman On The Bubble.

I've got a great line up coming your way - but if there is a favorite author you'd like me to include on my victim list - give me an email and let me know.  I'll track her/him down and grill the hell out of 'em.  No one escapes Evil E.

Just Say No

JT Ellison

A new phenomenon has permeated my household. I’ve uttered words that have rarely, if ever, crossed my lips.

I Can’t Do That.

I’ve always been blessed (cursed?) with the inability to say no to whatever request comes my way. Be it a friend who needs a ride, a fellow writer who needs input, Hubby needing an errand run, whatever – I always find a way to accommodate. And 99% of the time, I’m more than happy to do so. Yes, there have been times that I’ve bitched and moaned about having to do something for someone else; I’m not a saint. But in general, if you need something done, I’m your woman.

Until now. Suddenly, I seem to need a hell of a lot of time for me, and not so much time for other people.

I say suddenly. Three years of hard work, writing, networking, getting an Internet presence, getting my name out there – and I’m still constantly surprised when everything falls into place.

I spoke with my editor this week, who I must say, “Gets” me. I have a slightly offbeat sense of humor (Noooo, you say) and while I have a good idea of where my books are going, I don’t always articulate that as well as I could. She “gets” me. I don’t have to do the copious and detailed explanations of my plot that I inflict on strangers and friends. It boils down to this. SEX. BLOOD. ROCK & ROLL.

Meaning I need to focus on character relationships, mutilations, mayhem and murder, and a Nashville centric series that really lets my adopted hometown shine. I can do that.

My agent “Gets” me too, which is a blessing. I’m not so scared of him anymore. He used a bad word the other day and became a man, not just this mythical creature called “My Agent” who lives in a far off land, weaving magical deals from his tower. As I was giggling (Dear God, no – giggling to my agent) I realized that this is all very real. These people in New York are just like you and me – they have lives, family, hobbies. They care what kind of weather you’re having, warn you of possible pitfalls in the coming days, laugh with you (at you) when you say something funny. After so many years, demystifying the personnel is heartening.

Sorry, off on a tangent. Hey, it’s Friday.

So, my point is…

I had to say no the other day, and it broke my heart to do so. A good friend asked me to look over a submission from a neophyte writer (not a newbie, mind you, someone who’d never written anything before). Whoever you are, if you ever read this. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t add one more thing to my workload at that moment.

And I realized that this is going to happen more than I’d like it to.

It’s something that I never expected, and it’s still a little mind-boggling. By getting a book deal, I’ve suddenly moved to the other side of the fence. The WANTED side of the fence. A side of the fence that I’d never anticipated. People have actually contacted me and asked ME to do things, like interviews, and Writing Seminars, and blogs, and short stories for inclusion in multiple author works. It’s mind-boggling. Frightening as hell. And a big wake up call.

The other side of the fence means I need to go to conferences and sit on panels. I have to promote myself and my work in a pleasant manner, (ie: JT, don't throw up on the guests). Oh, and there’s that little niggling thing, back of my mind…. yeah, I almost forgot. I have to write two new books. Now.

Do you think John Sandford ever had this discussion with himself? Did you guys? Am I the only one?

A massive housecleaning is in order. A shift in priorities. A new way of thinking. I’m a writer now, and it’s a career, a business. If you don’t want that, you might as well hang it up now. I’m learning that being a successful writer is a lot more than writing good books.

My new mantra will be – Just Say No.

It started with scaling back my obligations to Reviewing the Evidence. Sharon Wheeler and Barbara Franchi are two of the greatest women in mystery, and they kindly opened their doors to me. I loved reviewing. But when I realized that I hadn’t read a book in over 2 weeks because I hadn’t had time, I knew I needed to step away. So thanks, Barbara and Shaz! You guys have been great.

I usually open my email in the mornings and have daily digests from over 14 yahoo groups. No more. I left several, went no mail on others. The people who supported me on my quest for publication understand. They know that my time is no longer my own.

I’ve winnowed myself down to four major areas.

• Writing, of course.
• Murderati, of course. I love you guys much too much to ever leave.
• Marketing and Promotion
• Short Stories

I feel lighter, easier, like life isn’t going to be so hard. Yeah, right.

As far as Marketing and Promotion goes, I have wonderful news. I’ve banded together with three other amazing writers, and we’ve started KillerYear – The Class of 2007. You may have seen a brief comment on it last week. The founding brothers and sisters – Jason Pinter, Brett Battles, Sandra Ruttan and myself – will launch a comprehensive blog on Monday, June 19th. We have about 15 of the best and brightest novelist debuting in 2007. We’ll introduce you to the Class, talk about our dreams and desires, tour schedules, promotions, etc. This will be your one stop shop for all things mystery and thriller in 2007. As Pinter so succinctly pointed out – Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Internet networking is a beautiful thing. The discussion comes up on list serves all the time – How can you truly market yourself on the Internet? I’ll tell you. I met Brett Battles here at Murderati. He very kindly made a great comment on my first post. I sent him an email to thank him, and a friendship grew out of that. My spectacular editor at MIRA Books, Linda McFall, also edits Jason Pinter. We touched base when I got the deal and have been talking ever since. Sandra Ruttan attracted me to her blog months ago with her irreverent take on the world, and I never looked back. The Class of 2007 concept was Jason’s brainchild, and a very logical progression for a group of young writers who found loads in common. Through the Internet. So tune in, watch us grow, and hopefully, we’ll teach ourselves the way.

Whine of the Week – My time is no longer my own

Wine of the Week – I’m in the mood to hit the Ellison Wine Cellar, where we keep the good stuff. How about a Tenute Silvio Nardi Brunello de Montalcino? That’ll get your tastebuds rocking. It tastes like liquid gold. Decant and let it breathe for at least 2 hours before drinking. And some little known trivia – Nardi is my family name. (Rock on, Anacarsi ) So we’re related, somehow, to the owners of this amazing vineyard.

The Road To Publication – And How Not To Get Mugged Along The Way

The road to publication is long and without road signs.  There’s no one to hand you a map or rules to the road.  So when every would-be author hits the road with his or her finished manuscript, they are vulnerable to predators.  The scent given off by a new author is very powerful.  The wolves and bandits will smell you coming a mile off.  I think first time authors must smell like cut bait. 

For most authors, finding a publisher is a Tolkienian adventure.  My personal quest to find a publisher took two years and cost me hundreds of dollars.  But in hindsight, a number of my run-ins with the wolves and bandits were of my own creation.  To my credit, I dodged the perils that line the road to publication without serious injury, but they could have been avoided all together, if I’d been a little smarter.

Gone are the days when fiction authors could sub their novel directly to the New York publishing houses and be given a chance.  Every author needs an agent to be their guide to publication.  But, how does the naive author know what a reputable agent looks like?  This is where I wasted a lot of time and money.  I scoured the various Writers’ Digests of Literary Agents because that’s the right thing to do.  Unfortunately, these digests are like yellow pages.  They list the good, the bad and the ugly.  I sent blanket queries and synopses to over a hundred agents without a clue of who I was introducing myself too.  Not surprisingly, I introduced myself to some of the carpetbaggers along the way. 

I had agents who said they loved my work and praised the great book I’d written when I’d only sent them a one-page query letter.  One agent threatened to trash my name in the industry when I quizzed her on her standard operating practices, then she sent my manuscript back in pieces.  Luckily, I never broke the golden rule of dealing with agents—DON’T PAY AN AGENT ANY MONEY UPFRONT.  Regardless of their reasons, reputable agents don’t ask for money before they market your book.  I know it’s tempting to accept an agent’s offer, but the newbie author has to know when to say no.  So when an agent asks for $700 for printing and postages expenses or $200 to read a manuscript before they’ve done a thing, don’t haggle or negotiate, say no thanks and move on. 

Although it seems to be a growing trend for reputable agents to charge expenses for postage, I’ve known authors to have paid less than a hundred dollars.  But the agents bill after the fact, not before.  If any agent says they are charging expenses, ask what they are for and get an estimate before you a sign contract.

So, if I was setting out on the road to publication again and was hunting for an agent, what would I do differently?  First off, I wouldn’t bother with the market guides.  An unsuspecting author doesn’t know what they are letting themselves in for.  If you want to find an agent, start with their trade association.  The Association of Authors' Representatives, Inc. (AAR) lists their members, a code of conduct that all their members must abide by and a great list of questions to any and all agents who offer representation.  There are some great agents out there who aren’t AAR members, but finding them is hard, so the AAR is a good place to start.  Another good resource is writers’ associations.  If you are a mystery writer, consider joining the Mystery Writers of America.  If you are a horror writer, consider joining the Horror Writers Association.  They have a member’s directory where the authors list their agents.  The first time author should write to these agents.  The agents listed represent someone with a reputation in the same genre and someone who has made a legitimate book deal.

After doing things like this—the right things—the first time author still may not find an agent.  I didn’t.  This means you probably aren’t going to get a book contract with Harper Collins, Penguin or Time Warner, but it doesn’t mean all publishers are off limits.  There are a number of small and medium sized publishers who will deal with unknown writers.  You need to do their homework.  Scour bookstores and jot down the names of publishers.  Seek out their websites and check out their guidelines.  If a publisher says they will take unagented submissions, then submit.  You have nothing to lose…

...or do you?

There are bad publishers out there, just like there are bad agents.  The same law about agents applies to publishers—DON’T PAY A PUBLISHER ANY MONEY UPFRONT.  Publishers pay authors, not the other way around.  Again, if you are asked for money, walk away.  If you see an author mention their publisher and you’ve never heard of them, check them out.  See if the publisher’s claims live up.  If a publisher says their books are available on Amazon, use the search facility on Amazon.  Punch in the publisher’s name and see how many of their titles pop up.  If you don’t find any or it says to allow six weeks for delivery, there may be problems with distribution.  And if so, your book might make it to print, but not much further.  Authors shouldn’t be afraid to ask for changes to a publisher’s contract.  If certain rights are asked for and you aren’t happy, negotiate them out.  Again, the likes of the HWA and MWA do have typical sample contracts that authors without agents can use for reference.

The road to publication is fraught with danger.  But it doesn’t mean the first time author has to be mugged and left for dead.  First timers need to stop sticking pins in the pages of digests and hoping for the best.  To put things into a plumbilogical terms, when hiring a plumber to fix a broken pipe most people don’t go for the first name they see.  Usually, they ask for a referral and check that the plumber is licensed.  The search for an agent and/or publisher should be the same.  You need to know the industry and ask around, choosing from trusted sources. 

Following my tips won’t guarantee you publishing success, but they should help prevent you from walking into some of the horrors that lurk on the road to publication.

Good luck, people.

Simon Wood

PS: Nickolas Cook interviewed me for David B. Silva's Hellnotes.  You can find the interview here. 

Do You Write Red or Blue State Books?

NAOMI HIRAHARA

Fan mail is wonderful. Besides stroking your ego or perhaps creating a dialogue about what you’re writing, this correspondence provides you with demographics to do your own market study.

Over the past two years, I’ve noticed that most of my fan letters–with a few exceptions (Colorado, Virginia, New Mexico, and North Carolina)–are from the blue states. California, of course, Washington, Oregon, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and so on. So now when I’m asked who reads my books, I quip, "The blue states."

Now this doesn’t necessarily relate to party politics. I’ve heard Walter Mosley himself say that his fiction has been embraced by conservatives and progressives alike. Even when there’s a strong underlying political message, the reader brings his or her interpretation to the table, which can completely twist the author’s intended ideology around. And since we write mysteries, our readers’ attention are foremost on the micro, not the macro.

But beyond politics, there might be something going on with regional cultures and what people like to read. Of course, since I write about Japanese Americans, it’s no surprise that a bulk of letters come from the Pacific Coast. But I’ve lived nine months in Wichita, Kansas, so I realize that you can’t paint states with static colors. Demographics change.

As much as the Midwest has preconceived notions of those crazy L.A.ers, West Coast urbanites have even worse stereotypes about America’s Heartland and South. When I left to go on my writing fellowship in Kansas, I was presented with a gallon container of soy sauce and a carton of Top Ramen by my L.A. friends and collegues. Attention Angelenos–they do have soy sauce and Top Ramen in Kansas! And more than eight Asian markets in Wichita in the mid-1990s (probably more in 2006). And a Japanese restaurant called Mama-san’s.

Wichita Public Library had a fabulous collection of works, both books and videos (probably CDs now). That’s where I checked out AMERICAN KNEES by Shawn Wong and Paul Beatty’s THE WHITE BOY SHUFFLE. And where I borrowed the collected works of Woody Allen as well as director Wayne Wang’s early work, CHAN IS MISSING.

Yet with shifting racial demographics touching every American community, whether it likes it or not, there are undeniable reading preferences. And as I mentioned earlier, based or e-mails and reviews, my books appeal more to the blue states.

There are authors who are not that easily categorized, such as Midwest noirists Scott Phillips, Sean Doolittle, and Victor Gischler. It would seem that their work might even play better in the blue than the red, where many of the books are set. Earlene Fowler, who writes a popular quilt series and a L.A. Times bestselling standalone, THE SADDLEMAKER’S WIFE, lives in California, but I bet her books sell up a storm in the Midwest and South.

But labels are limiting, and in spite of the demographic response for my books, it doesn’t mean I’m not going to do outreach in the red states. I’ve been somewhat successful in Arizona and had a great time in Mayhem in the Midlands in Omaha, Nebraska, two years ago. I hope to someday travel to do events in Florida. I have a very good friend in Nashville (yes, J.T., I do know another Nashvillian!) who keeps doing research about the Japan societies in her area so that my husband and I will make the trip to the Music City. I know that these events will be powerful because we will be attracting people who march to a different beat than their neighbors. And undoubtedly to have ultimate success as a writer, you need to touch every segment of society, both red and blue.

So, I wanted to ask y’all this question: are your books more red or blue state? Or do you think that this demographic analysis carries no weight and can be thrown in the bushes?

Maps are courtesy of Michael Gastner, Cosma Shalizi, and Mark Newman, available at their website. The bottom map is a population cartogram, more representative of the population in each state.

CUTTING THE RED RIBBON: Starting with today’s entry, I’ll be starting a new regular feature, WEDNESDAY’S WORD, which will introduce you, dear reader, to a new Japanese, or Nihongo, word each week found in one of the Mas Arai mystery books. I’ll be compiling the words once a month in the glossary page on my website.

WEDNESDAY’S WORD: atarimae (SUMMER OF THE BIG BACHI, page 8)

Take a good look at the word–see something that you recognize? How about "ATARI," like in video games? Atari means "hit," "success," or "gotcha." Mae, pronounced mah-’e, means "before." Together, atarimae means "naturally," "a matter of course," or "of course."

GUEST BLOGGER QUIZ: On Wednesday, June 28, a guest blogger will take over here and to add to the suspense, I wanted to pose a "Jeopardy" type question: Our guest blogger has been on the front cover of one of her/his mystery books and came close to gracing the cover of a bestselling mystery writer’s. Who is this cover gal/boy? And what are the names of the two books in question? Go ahead and post your guesses in our comment section (one guess per person, please!) The first one to answer correctly will gain the undying respect of the Murderati crowd and we all–well, at least I’ll make sure Evil E does–will bow at your feet next Wednesday when the blogger’s identity will be revealed. Evil E, do your calisthenics!

QUIBBLES & BITS

Deni Dietz

First, I'd like to thank all the lovely people who responded to last week's Qibbles & Bits; the one my sister Eileen likes to call "the ego blog." I was gobsmacked at the response, but I sure did enjoy and appreciate the comments and private emails, especially the one with the subject header: "I HAVE heard of you." Thanks Julia Buckley.

When I was asked to join my incredibly talented fellow bloggers, Murderati was only a wee seed in the fallow field of my mind. I had to nurture it, add enough but not too much water, and, of course, add manure (llama manure works best, I've found). Then I had to decide what to write about.

Aye, there was the rub (with apologies to Will Shakespeare and Stephen King for the "was"). I thought maybe I'd blog relevant subjects, like how to self-edit, how to deal with rejection, editors' pet peeves, etc.

But I soon found that, for me, it's much more fun to be un-relevant [de-relevant? non-relevant?]. Just like my Denise Dietz crime fiction novels, my blogs have no socially redeeming values whatsoever. Just like my crime fiction novels, my blogs are written to entertain.

So this week my subject is: LEADING YOU BY THE EYES

Also known as "manipulation."

The dictionary defines manipulate as "to treat with the hands in a skillful manner" ["Ooh, awesome," says Beatrice]. A second definition is "to control or play upon by artful or insidious means esp. to one's own advantage."

Although I worked as a masseuse and like nothing better than being manipulated by another masseuse (and/or chiropractor), I'm going to deal with the second definition.

Some reader say they don't like an author using "cliffhangers" at the end of chapters. Some readers say it's manipulative.

I say "cow patties!"

Some readers say they need "obvious stopping places" to, like, eat dinner or walk the dog or pee. Or even sleep.

I say, "Then read somebody else's books, not mine."

While I agree that ending one of my chapters "He hung up the phone and went to bed" gives a reader the perfect respite, that's not how I write. To use a popular expression, it's bleh.

I'd rather artfully, insidiously lead you by the eyes into the next chapter."

I love that. Lead you by the eyes. I didn't make it up. Del Tinsley did.

Let's pick, at random, a Dean Koontz chapter ending . . . Chapter 3 of Intensity:  "She wondered if the angle of his approach would give her a warning or if he would just be a sudden silhouette popping up from the booth as he opened fire on her."

The page before: "With a final sigh of air brakes, the vehicle stopped."

Which one keeps you reading?

Several years ago, while writing my saga The Rainbow's Foot, I was angsting over the motivation for moving my heroine from Colorado to California. One of my husbands (# 3, I think) said, "Why don't you just start your next chapter, 'She stepped off the train in California'?" That, IMO, is the opposite of manipulation. That's called "cheating."

Lead one by the eyes. How perfectly spot-on. Those who know me know I have a "thing" about eye actions in a book. I hate it when eyes sweep the room, when eyes drop to the floor, when eyes are glued to somebody or something, when eyes follow or trail a person, when eyes get lit (up).

But leading one by the eyes into the next chapter is a whole 'nother story. That's what I strive for in every single book I write.

And the very best words I can hear from a reader [other than "I ordered 100 Chain a Lamb Chop to the Bed hardcovers for Christmas gifts" or "Oh, look, an MLT sandwich") is:

"I couldn't put it down."

Here's the song I sing about chapter breaks when I sit in front of my computer at 6 a.m. (sung to "She'll be Comin' Round the Mountain"):

       Oh, I'll be adding a twisty ending at the break
           <at the break>
       I'll be adding a twisty ending at the break
           <at the break>
       I'll be adding a twisty ending, so no one knows what's pending,
       I'll be adding a twisty ending at the break.
       La-la-la.

Bottom line: I plan to continue cliffhanging my chapters -- or if you insist, "manipulating" my readers -- till the end of time. And If it stresses you out, well, you can always visit a masseuse.

Over and out,
Deni