Speechless

Well, I have very little to say this morning. 

I thought of writing about a newly discovered television series HAVEN, very loosely based on the Stephen King book THE COLORADO KID. I don't remember how I found it on iTunes, but I downloaded the first season, watched it in a week, and anticipate every episode of Season Two. It's a crime show/supernatural show, which I love. I love real-world supernatural.

I've seen few good movies this summer (My two faves so far: X-MEN FIRST CLASS and SUPER 8. And the end of HARRY POTTER, but that's another story ...)

I've been reading YA mysteries, as well as trying to catch up on the JD Robb series. I'm only four books behind now ...

Of course I've been writing. My next book, SILENCED, is due early October. I've been a little (a lot) nervous about this book because it's the first book with a new editor and a new publisher. Kind of terrifying.

And the kids! Five kids, all in fall sports. You'd think they'd spread the out to keep me sane, but noooooo, I have to juggle five kids. Fortunately, my husband has taken over the boys and their football practices, and I take care of my younger daughter's soccer practices. Now we just have to figure out who goes to what Saturday games. Thank God I have another driver in the house, my 17 year old daughter, who plays volleyball--and her games are Tuesdays and Thursdays, NOT Saturdays!

I can't wait until school starts -- for us, August 22. I need my routine back. I did get the school supplies early (yea!) and the kids wear uniforms (ordered!) but there's a lot of things that need to be done this coming week--including three nights of orientations. And the fact that I'm going to have a senior in high school. I don't feel old enough to have a daughter who is almost 18.

We didn't go on a family vacation -- we went last year, and hopefully I'm taking them all to Disneyland next summer the week before the RWA conference in Anaheim. But with sports, my New York trip, getting a new dog, and deadlines ... the Brennan family didn't get away.

So with all these things going on, I really didn't have anything poignant to talk about for my blog. But my 15 year old daughter told me a great joke today:

Past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

:)

She found the joke on this great little clip I hope you enjoy. Have a great week.

Comments

[Sarah W]

My hat's off to you! We only have three-fifths the kids you do and this summer has still been an adventure in scheduling (and the occasional bending of the laws of physics) trying make it to everyone's activities on time. My kids start school tomorrow, so I'm back on morning chauffeur duty. We're all kind of relieved.

My older daughter offered this joke in return for your daughter's:

What do you call a fly born without wings?
A walk.

(My personal, favorite, clean, one-liner:
A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Get me a martini. And a mop.")

[B.E. Sanderson]

OMG, those were hilarious. Thank your daughter for me. That last one reminded me that I used to know a Shroedinger's cat joke, but I can't remember it right now. If I think of it, I'll let you know. Right now, the only nerdy joke I can think of is...

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't. ;o)

Have a great weekend and thanks for the morning giggles. =o)

[Reine]

Allison, that IS poignant . . . doing all that stuff with your kids - for them. Please, you must know this. All the routine things only seem ordinary until they are grown up. Every year this time, I repeat the back-to-school uniform ritual by ordering a school shirt and chinos from Lands End. The school gets some sort of donation with each purchase if you use the school's code. I just placed the order. I have my Newman School rowing cap, and I find a reason to wear it now and then.

[Louise Ure]

I want more kid's jokes today! I'm not even around anybody younger than 30. Please send more jokes!

[Allison Brennan]

LOL Sarah! I, too, would much rather be a chauffeur than a taxi -- for me, chauffeur is assigned times, i.e. in the morning and afternoon; a taxi is on demand. :/

Reine, I know and I love doing stuff with the kids. But during the summer there's no schedule, which makes it much more difficult to maintain my regular writing time.

And for Louise, folks -- more kids jokes!

I have one more. My husband taught my son, and when they delivered it perfectly at age 4, complete with giggles, it's priceless:

Knock, knock
--Who's there?
Banana.
--Banana who?
Knock, knock
--Who's there?
Banana.
--Banana who?
Knock, knock
--Who's there?
Banana.
--Banana who?
Knock, knock
--Who's there?
Orange.
--Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

[David Corbett]

For Louise:

A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a traveling salesman, the farmer's daughter, a talking dog and a blond walk into the bar.

Bartender says: What is this, some kinda joke?

***

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Sam and Janet.

Sam and Janet Who?

(Sing:) Sam and Janet evening .....



You wear me out Allison. It's 8 AM and I need a nap.

[TerriMolina]

I can certainly sympathize with you Allison. When my kids (4 of them) were in school it was ridiculously crazy here with school activities. My daughters weren't into sports, but one is special needs and there was always something. Even now, as teenagers there's always something! My youngest is the only one left in high school (although I do feel old enough for that sometimes..hah) and one of my daughters is in college, so I still chaufer her around because she can't drive.
Anyway...I think I'm babbling.
I think it's awesome how you and your husband juggle it all (my husband wasn't home much during the younger years with our kids because he was in the military, so I was a single parent for ten years). And it's even more inspiring (and daunting--hah) that you can put out so many great books at the same time. (I really gotta drink your coffee!)
Congrats to your senior. Tell her to enjoy every last day of high school.
The years go so fast, I'm glad you're enjoying them all.

PS...If you're wondering what your keynote speech is going to be at the Desert Dreams conference, all of this is it. ;-)

[Chris Hamilton]

Looking at your childrens' schedule, I am moved to quote the great philosopher Frank Barone who said so poignantly, "Holy crap."

At least yours tend to be single-activity kids, based on your description. My son does baseball, Boy Scouts (assistant senior patrol leader), orchestra, band, and two days of youth group at church (fortunately one of them corresponds with Sunday service). Oh, and he goes to the magnet school across town which means all school-related activities are far away.

We get a break on my daughter this year. She's going to college. You think you don't feel old enough this year? Wait until next year. Vacation this year was accompanying her to orientation (GW did a fantastic job) and the car ride up in a week and a half. It's like she went to school in fourth grade and came home excited to go to college.

Anyway, as one harried parent to another, the pay-off is amazing. Next year when you see your daughter really making the decisions that will build her life, you can take comfort in the fact that you've done your job well--the one you don't get paid for, that is.

Chris

[Reine]

Allison, I do get it huge-like. And I am so glad that you can . . . um . . . but wait a minute. Writers are allowed to have kids? I mean you can write and raise kids, too? And yours came with jokes? Honestly, I am so impressed.

[Tammy Cravit]

Loving the jokes and one-liners. And I can totally relate to scheduling craziness! I only have one kid, but I have more of her appointments on my calendar than I have my own commitments!

[Pari Noskin]

School starts here for the kids on Thurs . . . however, it's a different scene this year since I'm working full time. I don't know if it'll be easier or more difficult. They're both involved in sports and other activities.

Should be interesting.

I hope getting your life back when they're in school is a blessing.

[Alafair Burke]

Very cute. And no, you're not old enough to have a kid who's almost 18.

[Zoë Sharp]

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

How do you kill a circus performer? Go for the juggler.

What's white, light, and swings through the trees? A meringue-utan.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

How to impress a woman: compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, love her, protect her, hug her, hold her, wine and dine her, support her, got to the ends of the earth for her.
How to impress a man: turn up naked, bring beer, say nothing.

Two rabbits are chased into a forest by a pack of wolves. One says to the other, "So we make a run for it, or stay here for a few days and outnumber them?"

I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang . . . but eventually it came back to me.

A grizzly bear walks into a bar and says, "Can I have ..................................................... a pint of beer please?"
The barman says, "Sure. But why the big pause?"

A cowboy walks into a bar dressed from head to foot in paper. He was arrested for ruslting.

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.

[Chris Hamilton]

Why didn't the dinosaur cross the road?

'Cause he wasn't a chicken.

[Reine]

Okay, Zoë - I made the mistake of showing those jokes to Steppy, and he still laughing about the obvious, and no I will not. ;-/

[Chris Hamilton]

Okay, so Descartes is in a bar and the bartender asks if he'll have one for the road.

Descartes looks at him and says "I think not."

And disappears.

[judy wirzberger]

zoe
ha ha ha ha ha ha ahhhhhh

Thanks Allison! Who knew the pleasure I would get from your blog.