I wouldn't want to be married to me
Tuesday, July 1, 2008 at 1:00AM in Tess Gerritsen Tess Gerritsen
Let us sing in praise of the author’s spouse.
Mine has certainly had a rough time of it lately while I struggled to meet my deadline. For the past few months I didn’t take a single day off. Several times a night, I’d awaken sweating and sick with dread, certain that my manuscript was doomed and my talent was spent. I holed up sixteen hours a day in my office, emerging only for dinner, and then I’d make only half-hearted attempts at conversation because my mind was still on my characters. I turned down concerts, party invitations, sailing trips, and walks in the woods, forcing my spouse to do everything solo. The book was sucking the life out of me. Exhausted by sleepless nights, I made slow progress on the book. And slow progress on the book gave me sleepless nights.
But last week, everything changed. I finally turned in the manuscript and my editor loved it.
For the first time in months, I’m sleeping all night. Suddenly I’m hot to party, to shop, to dine out, to travel. It’s as if a mood switch has been flipped. Or I’ve just swallowed a handful of the world's best uppers. I’m a whole new glorious me.
My husband takes it in stride.
A writer’s year is punctuated by these wild manic-depressive mood swings. I know my own pattern so well that, a year ahead of time, I can mark out on the calendar when I’ll be my happy self, and when I’ll begin the annual and perfectly predictable descent into insanity. I’ve learned not to schedule anything at all during the three months prior to a deadline. I’ve learned that the best part of the year is right after my manuscript has been accepted, but before the first (sometimes painful) reviews start dribbling in.
Which adds up to maybe three or four really good months out of the year.
But once the reviews come in, once the book goes on sale and the promotional cycle begins, life around the Gerritsen household starts to get tense again.
And once again, my husband takes it in stride.
He and I have gone through this cycle so many times that he knows what to expect. But it doesn’t make it any easier to take. Recently, we had dinner with another writer and her non-writing spouse, and her husband admitted that in their household, too, things get really hairy around deadline time. These stresses affect every writer, and every writer’s spouse.
Yet so many writers I know have solid, enduring marriages. That surprises me, because I can’t imagine we writers are easy to live with. Maybe we just chose our spouses well. Maybe we got lucky.
Or maybe we’re just incredibly exciting, sexy, creative beings...
For four months out of the year.
Reader Comments (23)
I'm tending toward the latter, because I know for sure I can't do to him what I did on my last deadline, and it's really sobering to hear that after all your fantastic books and successes you still go through this cycle. On the other hand I think he and I both better look at this as being part of the life and start to talk honestly about how we can manage the demands of this author life and still have a great relationship.
One thing is that I have to make sure I remember that I thought I'd NEVER pull book three off, but I did. I just have to KNOW that and somehow not act suicidal over the next one. I just can't do that to him again.
I think some of us are completely blessed with spouses who just get it, who aren't intimidated or frightened about losing us to the big bad world of writing and conference going. Some aren't so lucky. I don't know where I'd be without Randy. I'd never be able to pull this off without his encouragement.
My wife and I received contracts from St. Martin's this week on a book to be co-written by us over the next three years.
This will be our first collaboration. We're excited... and not a little unsure of how we'll work together on this book.
Stacey: that's GREAT news! Best of luck. I'm interested in seeing how you guys work it, but I have every expectation that you will.
I know there are some husband and wife collaborators, and they seem to work well together. Can anyone remember, however, any couples where both were writers, where they weren't collaborators, and where it worked out well? Hammett and Hellman's relationship was kind of stormy, IIRC.
We've been married for 17 years, lived with each other a year before that and have known each other since he was 6 and I was 8. So . . . if nothing else, we've got time on our side.
I think it's interesting to add children to the mix. I can't go into hiding -- much as I'd like to -- because they need me.
This obligation makes my writing less efficient, but reminds me every single day that there is life beyond my computer screen and topsy-turvy emotions/mind.
My husband became a terrific cook through out my writing spells...so much so, I found myself dragging my feet now and then. :)
That said, it's always nice to hear of marriages that work. Thumbs up to you, Dr. G!
Just know you aren't alone. I've just surfaced for the first time in 3 months and I'm glad my wife stuck it out with me.
Congrats on finishing the new one! I'm looking forward to it.
Or maybe we’re just incredibly exciting, sexy, creative beings...
For four months out of the year.
.333 is a damn good batting average. In baseball and in love. :)
Because of your hard work and sleepless nights, you have the kind of reading public all writers can only dream of. Enjoy the time off now, and my advice to Jacob....seize the moment. We love ya!Abe
I've been married for ten years to my opposite in most things big and small. Maybe that's part of what works :D When I'm in deadline hell, he knows not to even bother getting my attention. In turn, when I'm not, LOL, he gets to fish and hunt - and I'll even go with him - to his heart's content.